Haywire

Let's cut to the chase.  If you are the sort of person who watches zombie movies just to enjoy one awesome headshot, if you watch martial arts movies just for that final scene where the hero beats up a dojo, or if you watch crappy action movies in the hopes of a single awesome sequence, you need to watch Haywire.  Like, right now.  There is one really good fight scene and a fantastic fight scene (so, that's two recommended fight scenes) in this movie.  If that's all you need to know, go rent it now; both take place in the first half of the movie, so you can catch before the 45 minute mark.

...but if you love cornrows, you'll have to wait until the end

If you're the sort of person who cares about little things like plot and acting, here's the rest of my thoughts.

Meet Mallory (Gina Carano).  Mallory is a a spec ops contractor who takes dirty jobs for the American government.  She's not an assassin, because that would make her unsympathetic; she is the person you put on a high difficulty job to save lives and kick asses.

Kicking ass in 3...2...1...

Mallory worked a job in Barcelona with, amongst other people, hunky Aaron (Channing Tatum).  There, they saved a dissident of some sort from mean people.  When she arrived home, her boss/ex-lover/soulless ginger, Kenneth (Ewan McGregor), coaxes her into another job, one where she and an agent she had never worked with, the hunky Paul (Michael Fassbender), have to assure the safety of a VIP.  While babysitting isn't her favorite thing to do, Mallory complies because plot advancement.  At the end of their mission, though, Paul tries to kill Mallory.  What the hell is going on?  Is it a double-cross?  A triple-cross?  It's a suspenseful/thrilling mystery!

Haywire's lead actress, Gina Carano, is not a professional actress.  She's an MMA fighter.  In other words, she performs her own (awesome) stunts, but she hasn't exactly been to acting school.  That doesn't necessarily mean she's a bad actress, but...well, calling her mediocre would be generous.  This is the sort of film where the heroine's dialogue is terse and tough.  Carano's delivery is tough, but tough like wood, instead of tough like MMA.  How important is that to the overall quality of this film?  I'll get back to that later.  The rest of the cast is solid all around, with a few impressive performances.  I can't believe I'm writing this, but Channing Tatum was pretty good in Haywire.  He delivered is lines in a pretty natural way, had some solid conversational humor, and a really good fight scene.  When I see Tatum in a film, I assume he's going to be the dumb twin of the Matt Damon puppet in Team America: World Police, but I was shocked at how much I didn't hate him here.

"Maaatt Day...Day...***sigh***  LINE?"

Michael Fassbender was even better.  Fassbender has charmed onscreen before, but his fight scene with Carano was completely awesome.  Sure, he did the whole "acting" thing beforehand, but he looked really good in a very physical way here; his scenes were definitely the highlight of the film. 

Not as sexy as it looks, trust me

After those two, the bad-assness of the supporting cast takes a definite dive, although the acting is still good.  Michael Angarano gave a fantastically genuine performance as a fairly superfluous character --- he wasn't quite useless, but Angarano's line delivery was some of the most natural I've seen in a long while.  Michael Douglas shows up and reminded me more of his character in Traffic than of a corpse, which has been my experience with him for the past decade.  Ewan McGregor was surprisingly good as a bureaucratic jerk; it's been a while since I've actually enjoyed McGregor in a movie --- and I don't know if this role really enters into "enjoyment" for me --- but it was refreshing to see him playing against type.  Who knew he would make a good heel?  Antonio Banderas was solid in a limited role, but he did have an impressively dense beard.  So there's that. 

"The password is 'Nasonex'"

Bill Paxton played Mallory's father and, aside from having a mustache, was about what you should expect from Paxton.  Oh, and if you're an Amélie fan, Mathieu Kassovitz makes a rare English-speaking appearance.

The supporting acting was pretty good, I think that's pretty obvious.  How about the direction?  Steven Soderbergh was the man in charge of Haywire, and he brought with him some definite stylistic choices.  Are you tired of Paul Greengrass-type action movies, where the camera is a little shaky and the fight scenes have a lot of close-ups cuts?  Soderbergh apparently was.  Haywire is filmed primarily in long shots with minimal editing.  That means you definitely can tell that the actors do most of their own stunts (and Carano almost all of them), and that is extremely impressive.  Soderbergh also takes pains to not over-explain the plot; this isn't as dense as Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, but the lack of exposition can make it a bit hard to follow at times.  I liked that Haywire was told in an intelligent fashion that respected the audience.  Unfortunately, Soderbergh's style for the film led to a lot of the non-action scenes to drag.  It's one thing to watch a cool fight sequence that was clearly made without edits, it's less enthralling to see Mallory walk into a store and buy a cell phone from a distance. 

Soderbergh's stylistic choices could have worked.  It's a ballsy play, making a movie that treats espionage in a moderately realistic and unexaggerated way; there is a fine line between suspenseful intrigue and monotonous staring.  Casting Gina Carano was another interesting choice.  Unfortunately, the film's style and the actor's talent didn't quite mesh.  Don't get me wrong --- Carano was absolutely the correct person for the fight scenes.  My problem is that Haywire has far too many non-fight scenes to make up for Carano's awful delivery.  To put it in plain terms, she was clearly out-acted by Channing "I'm a freaking coin" Tatum.  That's a sick burn.  Maintaining the longer scenes with fewer obvious editing cuts made the film feel fairly realistic, but this also emphasized Carano's lack of charisma.  I also felt bored by the excessive chase scenes in this movie.  Again, Soderbergh's choice to film scenes from farther away took away some of the immediacy and scenes that should have felt tense or quick were puzzlingly dull (the car chase scene in the snow, for instance).

So...much...running...with...so...little...payoff...

Without the two early fight scenes, I would probably rip into Haywire with pleasure.  However, those scenes are totally awesome.  She even punches a guy in the dick with his own gun!

Yeah, that was my reaction, too

Aside from the final fight scene on the beach (which looked especially staged), all of the hand-to-hand combat was stellar.  It just doesn't really fit the tone of the rest of the film; Carano was performing like she was in The Expendables 2, but everyone else thought they were making The Spy Who Came In From the Cold.  Both styles have their charms, but they don't make for a tasty sandwich. I will grant that it does have a good supporting cast that gives an otherwise overlong (even at 93 minutes) and sterile plot life.  I also appreciated what Soderbergh was going for --- an intelligent bad-ass spy story --- but he didn't have the talent (or, honestly a script) that could make that happen.

Red State

It has been a long, long time since I have watched a Kevin Smith movie.  I've never been  big fan of Clerks, but I enjoyed the juvenile humor in Mallrats and the ham-fisted Dogma the first time I saw them.  Unfortunately, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was one of the most painful film experiences I have ever endured; thanks to all the winking and nudging, it is the only comedy to make my Most Hated Movie list.  Since then, I have steered clear of Smith's films.  Red State intrigued me, though.  Kevin Smith, a one-time master of filthy and stupid-funny dialogue, writing and directing a horror movie?  There is potential in that premise, assuming that Smith maintains his juvenile sense of humor and makes a solid slasher flick with plenty of smart-ass dialogue.  But you know what they say about assumptions...

Red State begins with three friends --- Jarod (Kyle Gallner), Travis (Michael Angarano), and Billy-Ray (Nicholas Barn) --- of roughly college age scheming to get laid.  Okay, here are our naughty teens; the horror movie is underway.

And yes, Billy-Ray's name is just an excuse for a mullet

Jarod has been frequenting a website that specializes in connecting locals for relationship-free sex; in fact, the "woman" (because, after all, it is the internet) doesn't want to have sex with just Jarod --- she wants him to bring two friends along for some simultaneous loving.  Sure, that's a little unusual, but men are simple and the trio takes the request at face value.  On their way to the sexing, the trio accidentally sideswipes a parked car to introduce a subplot that never really pays off.

Direct quote: "Hamina, hamina, hamina...!"

Instead of seeing the accident as a bad omen --- or leaving a note, exchanging insurance information, or even trying the State Farm jingle to get one of their insurance genies to pop up --- the three youngsters continue on their journey to satisfy their lusty flesh.  The good news is that they find the woman, and she is really a woman named Sara (Melissa Leo).  The bad news is that she is a little older than the boys were expecting.

The really bad news is that Sara drugs them and they wake up as captives of the extreme Five Points Church.  Huh?

You see, in the background of that story, viewers learned about the local murder of a young homosexual in town, and we see his funeral being picketed by members of the Five Points Church, which is a none-too-subtle analogue for the Westboro Baptist Church.  As you might surmise from the fact that they picketed a funeral, Five Pointers are not a sect known for their calm demeanor or reasonable actions.  As such, our three horny teens have been held captive so they may be executed in God's name for sinning against him.  What follows is an intense look at the rhetoric of American hate groups and the tension that comes from waiting for your own execution.

Ball gags: rarely a good sign

No, not really.  The ATF is eventually contacted, surrounds the house, and royally screws up, a la Waco.  And that, more or less, leads to the end.

Red State is not a typical horror movie, even if it starts out like your average slasher flick.  What could have been a decently effective premise --- teens up to no good are captured and need to escape --- quickly turns into a showcase for Kevin Smith to show how crazy extreme religious people are.  Smith doesn't add anything clever or interesting to the larger argument here, and I seriously doubt that anyone who watches this film will on the side of the hate group.  Even with Smith's heavy-handed diatribe, this could have been an effective horror movie.  Unfortunately, Smith adds a further twist by introducing a firefight between the church group and the ATF.  So...there goes the horror element.  Furthermore, the focus of the story shifts to ATF Agent Keenan (John Goodman), who is heading the operation.  Is his mission to save the three kidnapped boys?  Actually, he isn't even aware of them.  What the hell is this movie supposed to be about, then?

That's my biggest problem with Red State.  The plot is just a mess.  Smith over-complicates things, includes uninteresting subplots and can't focus on a main character or theme.  There are only a few moments where his trademark humor shows up, and the quips are obvious and not very funny.  I was surprised to see how poorly plotted, paced, and edited Red State was.  This is his tenth feature film as a director, and his ninth as a writer --- how could this film's direction be so horribly inept?  My only explanation is that this is Smith's first venture outside of the comedy genre and, without the crutch of dick jokes, his shortcomings as a director are exposed here.

And here, he displays his shortcoming for context-driven humor

Most of the acting in the film is decent, if uninspired.  John Goodman is certainly likable as an ATF agent, but his character's motivations are poorly explained and quickly discarded without any conflict.

To shoot or not to shoot: never mind, there are no consequences

Of the three sex-crazed boys, only Kyle Gallner has the opportunity to act, and I wasn't terribly impressed with his bored display of suicidal tendencies.  Kerry Bishe was definitely the best actor amongst the churchgoers,but her role was also the most over-dramatic.  I was disappointed in Melissa Leo's over-the-top performance as a zealot.

I was, however, very impressed with Michael Parks as the creepy/evil preacher.  While his character was never written with the intention of being convincing, Parks took a horrible villain and added some much-needed charisma, making this nutcase seem plausible, like a modern-day Charles Manson.

Add a self-carved forehead swastika, and you're there

There are also a number of recognizable bit players in the film; Kevin Pollack, Patrick Fischler, and Stephen Root all contribute next to nothing to this film.

There is a solid premise behind this film, but the story loses its way far too early.  I hate the fact that you never know who the main characters are.  Failing that, I should at least be able to clearly identify what the main conflict in the movie will be, but that is left as a second-act surprise.  I despise Smith's straw man arguments against organized religion, and I felt that this was another none-too-clever attack on a subject that demands attention and pondering.  To put it bluntly, Red State handles religious extremism with even less thought than Dogma. 

On your knees and repent!

Worse than the heavy-handedness of the religious story was the total incompetence of Kevin Smith as a director.  This movie wasn't funny, scary, or effectively action-packed.  It has elements of all three genres, but they do not gel together because they are rarely present within the same scene, much less the same film reel.  Personally, I think Kevin Smith is a genuinely entertaining man.  Even if I had never found one of his jokes funny, I would have to admit that he is a talented storyteller, if only because of his Prince anecdote.  Unfortunately, he is not much of a writer or director.  I would love to see Smith bounce back from this with a heartfelt story of his dramatic weight loss or something vaguely realistic, because his strength comes from the way he describes the ordinary.  Red State has him working outside of his comfort zone and the result is half-baked, at best, and truly dull at worst.