Full disclosure: I had never seen or heard of Bulletproof (1988) until I stumbled upon a collection of the best/worst movie insults of all time. This caught my attention:
That's right, Gary Busey, perched in the rafters of a warehouse, called Danny Trejo a "butthorn." Needless to say, that placed Bulletproof on the top of my to-do list. But is it really worth it to track down this virtually unknown late-80s action movie, just to hear Gary Busey say "butthorn"?
Yes. A thousand times, yes! The glory of Bulletproof is not merely that single line, but 93 minutes of ridiculous action movie silliness that is blissfully unaware of how incredibly, laughably stupid it is. You might worry that an entire movie's worth of enjoyment cannot come with just one "butthorn" comment. You're wrong, but just to put your mind at ease, I'll let you in on a secret: it's not just the one comment.
So what is Bulletproof about, aside from butthorns? It's the story of "Bulletproof" McBain (Gary Busey), a reckless cop who is also a semi-retired secret ops agent because of course he is. The film opens with him on a stakeout with his older partner (Thalmus Rasulala), who implies that he is too old for this shit. They're on the lookout for a potential illegal arms deal, and the first hint that the deal is going down comes from a limousine and an ice cream truck that drive into an abandoned warehouse.
Don't try to justify that logic. You will hurt yourself.
Instead of calling for back-up, McBain decides to sneak into the warehouse and handle things on his own. And by "sneak," I of course mean "take absolutely no cover in the rafters of the building." A firefight ensues, one that features a lot of bad guys shooting automatic weapons and not hitting anything. On the bright side, McBain kills someone every time he fires his revolver. Over the next few minutes, the following things happen:
McBain avoids being inured by a rocket launcher that was fired at him from across a room.
"I think we blew him up!" "You don't blow up a dude like McBain!"
A car chase involving an ice cream truck filled with weapons instead of ice cream.
Multiple 360° spins during the car chase.
The longest grenade fuse (or whatever determines when grenades explode) ever caught on film.
McBain's boss arriving at the crime scene, looking around and saying "Well, I guess you had to be there," before secretly complimenting McBain on his work.
Keep in mind that this is just the opening sequence, designed to give the audience subtle hints that McBain is awesomely bad-ass. After a hard night's work, McBain comes home to rest, but instead finds his attractive quasi-girlfriend/hump buddy waiting for him.
"I'll be Ernie, if you'll be Bert. Oh, rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of you...sexually!"
You know what makes this scene great? Well, yes, the gratuitous nudity. But it's more than that. Hump buddy's explanation for why she's there is, essentially, because she's crazy and wants to share that craziness with McBain's penis. Also, I have to point out a few things in that picture. How many candles, bubbles and flowers do you think "Bulletproof" McBain keeps in his bathroom? That's right, none. So this crazy woman A) made a copy of McBain's house key to get in B) brought in at least a bag's worth of her stuff to feminize his bathroom and C) anticipated waiting a while for him and brought her rubber ducky with. Oh, and apparently McBain's bathroom has rooms inside it; while Sexy McCrazy is sudsing up, McBain goes to the next room so he can use the sink and mirror to pull out a bullet he caught in the shoulder that night.
Perhaps "Bullet Magnet" would have been a better title
Why am I going into such detail with this plot? Because this particular plot has absolutely nothing to do with the bulk of the movie. After an opening like this, I expected a Lethal Weapon knock-off, especially with the old, cranky black partner who loves to remind McBain that his ass is, in fact, black. That is the beauty of Bulletproof. Just when you think the movie is going to play it safe and predictable, it decides to make absolutely no sense. At this point, it becomes an international spy story. The US government has a super tank, code-named Thunderblast, which is ridiculously powerful. Like, it's probably worth two, or maybe three tanks. The government then makes the deliberate choice to allow the Thunderbolt to be captured by terrorists, as part of a larger master plan. They make sure that McBain's former girlfriend (Darlanne Fluegel) was on the mission, to serve as bait. So, what's the master plan? The government wants McBain to recover the stolen tank...that they purposely allowed the terrorists to steal. So...hmm. That's a toughie, a point that the script wisely chooses to not address. What about the terrorists? Who is McBain fighting? Cubans. Nicaraguans. Arabs. Russians. You know, the groups that typically work together and decide to invade America through Mexico, powered by a single tank. My god, the 80s were hilarious.
I love that the Russian has to wear a fur hat in the Mexican desert so we know where he is from
How is the acting in Bulletproof? Predictably ridiculous. Gary Busey leads the way, and I found myself enjoying his over-the-top performance. It isn't actually good, but it was fun to watch. Some actors would look terrible in a role that required them to spout horrendous dialogue and be a complete asshole to any character they don't kill first. Not Busey. He was as believable in this role as anybody could be.
And yes, the urge you feel to punch his teeth in is perfectly normal
The rest of the cast is far less interesting and entertaining. Honestly, I don't know why they bothered with any non-Busey scenes in this movie. Of the good guy supporting cast, L.Q. Jones and Darlanne Fluegel were probably the most noteworthy, although that isn't saying much. The cast of villains had a few unexpected surprises, though. William Smith, who was born to play direct-to-video villains in the 80s, plays the evil Russian (oddly, he is credited as "Bill Smith"), and makes sure that there is no question about his character's poorly accented nationality. Even better than Smith's Yakov Smirnoff impression was Henry Silva. Silva frequently acted in bad movies and, for some reason, he was often chosen to portray some other ethnicity. In Bulletproof (1988), he plays an Arabic terrorist with (I guess) Communist leanings and a penchant for rape and murder. Thank goodness that's not racist at all.
"Nice costume. The beret really sells the whole 'Arabic terrorist' thing"
One of the funnier things about Bulletproof is the fact that there are two great action movie bad guys in the cast, but they play bit parts. Danny Trejo and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (who was left uncredited for some reason) were both just starting out in Hollywood, and this was the best work they could get.
Steve Carver's direction is not too bad, from a technical standpoint. I mean, sure, he edited out the explanation of why the US government wanted McBain to single-handedly attack terrorists on foreign soil. And yes, he was responsible for some of the most unintentionally funny flashback scenes I have ever seen. My favorite was the one where McBain's lying in bed, shirtless, cuddling with his saxophone, and then he flashes back to the time when he wooed his girlfriend by playing the sax on the beach --- and the soundtrack to his dream was clearly not what he was playing on the beach.
Boy, I certainly am convinced that Busey can play the saxophone
But I'm getting off the subject. Steve Carver put as much stupid action as he could fit into Bulletproof. One of the more obvious examples of that comes from the scene where the bad guys repeatedly fail to follow through on their threat to find out, once and for all, just how bulletproof McBain is. I don't know why, but these terrorists, who are happy to kill any supporting character without provocation, treat the murder of McBain and his ex-girlfriend like a seven-year-old treats cleaning his room. They're totally going to do it, just...not right now. So, here's the setup. McBain is tired and helpless, tied to a gigantic wooden spool.
Yes, you heard that right. A spool.
The bad guys are (finally) going to execute him. How does he escape? Well, a grenade blows up and sends his spool rolling down the hillside.
That is absolutely Gary Busey. I recognize that shirt.
The villains, who are numerous and have cars and trucks, can't seem to track the giant spool down, and McBain escapes. Does that blow your mind? It blew mine.
What makes Bulletproof more than just a bad movie is the incomprehensible script. This story was written by the team that brought us Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, but doesn't make quite as much sense. This movie doesn't feel like something written by completely sane adults. It's more like the fever ramblings of a six-year-old, doped up on Nyquil. What else can explain the fact that Gary Busey is more deadly with a revolver than with a tank (that, for some reason, has cubicle chairs and a coffee maker)?
And why would anybody go to the trouble of giving McBain such ridiculous obstacles and then waste precious time showing McBain trying to figure out the tank's control system? Reality left this movie before the first butthorn sounded, so this late development was bewildering. Do you want some more examples of the writing excellence on display in Bulletproof? Of course you do.
The password to let McBain know who to team up with in Mexico, on his quest to recapture the Thunderblast, is...wait for it..."Thunderblast."
Actual comeback, part 1: "Yeah...your FACE!"
Actual comeback, part 2: the Arabic terrorist is told to go "fuck his camel."
The Russians recognize McBain by his nickname, "Bulletproof."
After it's all over, McBain has to drive the tank back to America, though the border patrol. And they just look confused.
There's a lot more than that, but I don't want to spoil everything. I would totally buy enough copies of Bulletproof to give to all of my friends, but the only DVD pressing of it is truly awful. It's in 4:3 aspect ratio and looks like it was recorded directly from a VHS tape. That wouldn't be a deal-breaker, but the damn thing is still fetching $14-$50 on Amazon.
"What the hell, butthorns? You know this is worth $5, MAX!"
As a legitimate movie, Bulletproof is not very good, but it is filled with action and is makes sense, if you are incapable of coherent thought.
From the completely unreasonable perspective of Lefty Gold, Bulletproof is so hilariously bad that I watched it twice, back-to-back, before returning the rental. If you're in the mood for stupid, I cannot recommend this any higher.
All right, it's time to review one of my absolute favorites. It has a great cast, led by two successful SNL alumni, and a still-in-his-prime John Landis directed. It's hard to comprehend almost thirty years after its release, but Trading Places could have been pretty terrible. Even though it was released in 1983, back when Eddie Murphy could do no wrong, he was far from a star; this film was released only six months after his film debut in 48 Hours, and Murphy was still known more for playing Buckwheat than for being a theatrical draw. Dan Aykroyd was a bigger name than Murphy at the time, but he had only made one good movie (The Blues Brothers) since leaving Saturday Night Live; most of his efforts had actually been pretty terrible --- I'm pretty sure that the only living and mostly sane fan of Doctor Detroit is my own father, and even he admits that it's crap. Sure, they got John Landis to direct, but his post-Twilight Zone career (that movie was released the same month as Trading Places) was a steep slide down in quality. This was also Jamie Lee Curtis' first non-horror role. Trading Places was blessed with having the right actors at the right time in their careers with a director that was still on his A-game; if this had been made a few years earlier or later, we might have had something like Nothing But Trouble.
Laugh while you can, boys. Comedy is a fickle mistress
Mortimer (Don Ameche) and Randolph (Ralph Bellamy) Duke are the owners of Duke & Duke, a commodities brokering firm; alike in so many ways --- style, pride, greed, etc. --- the two seem to have only one major difference in opinion: nature vs. nurture. Randolph is a proponent for nurture; he believes that anyone can succeed in society, if they are given many socioeconomic advantages. Mortimer believes in breeding; essentially, the cream will always rise up to the top. But what can they really do to solve this argument?
I should mention that they had a knife fight to settle bow vs. regular tie
Well, they can test their theories out. When the company's heir apparent, Louis Winthorpe (Dan Aykroyd), had a (moderately) innocent street urchin, Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy), jailed over a misunderstanding, the Dukes had their two extremes --- Winthorpe was born with a silver spoon in his various orifices, while Valentine was a poor minority from a broken home --- and the Dukes finally had some suitable test subjects. Together, the Dukes manage to disgrace Winthorpe, put him in the poor house, and get his friends to forsake him. They also bring in Billy Ray to manage their company, offering him wealth and self-respect in exchange.
Their explanation for pork bellies cracks me up every time
And nurture wins! Well, kind of. Valentine naturally enjoys the high life and Winthorpe doesn't take his fall from grace well.
Best. Santa. Ever.
However, just because Billy Ray is good at is new position doesn't mean that the Dukes have any intention of keeping him around; they still see him as gutter trash. So when Billy Ray overhears the Dukes congratulating themselves on their experiment, he decides to team up with Winthorpe so they can turn the tables on the Dukes.
Above: the scene where that happens. Not pictured: the table
I absolutely love this cast. Dan Aykroyd was nearly perfect as a high-born weenie, and his drunken Santa bit makes me smile every time I think about it. Eddie Murphy was also very good as the street-smart Billy Ray; he doesn't get enough credit for how sympathetic he made his character. Jamie Lee Curtis was fine as a hooker with an accountant's mind and sliding scale for impropriety.
"Exposition while I undress because boobs"
This is also my favorite Denholm Elliot role --- anyone can play a smart-mouthed manservant (well, any man can), but Elliot walked the line between faithful butler and annoyed house servant beautifully. Don Ameche and Ralph Bellamy were also perfect as the villains; only Michael Douglas plays a money-grubbing bastard better than these two, only he's not funny. Paul Gleason was also perfectly mean as the Dukes' hired hand; Gleason has always done a great job playing jerks, but this is the only time I can recall where he was a jerk that was not an authority figure. Those are really the only performances worth noting, although this film is packed with recognizable actors in bit parts. Giancarlo Esposito was an easily-impressed con, blues legend Bo Diddley didn't care about the time in Gstaad, Bill Cobbs was owed $17 and change by Billy Ray, Frank Oz was a corrupt cop, Al Franken was a stoner, James Belushi was "a gorilla, you fucking clown," James Eckhouse was lucky to get a speaking line, and Stephen Stucker made his only non-Airplane! appearance I am aware of.
I normally don't praise John Landis for the pace of his films, but Trading Places is a rare example of a two hour comedy that doesn't have a portion that drags. At least some of that credit goes to the screenplay from writing collaborators Timothy Harris and Herschel Weingrod; the pair seemed to specialize in goofy-ass concept stories (Twins, Kindergarten Cop, Space Jam, etc.), but they managed to make this Prince and the Pauper update seem only highly unlikely instead of batshit crazy. It is also worth pointing out how much of the humor in Trading Places comes from reactions and not punchlines; that means they wrote this to be an ensemble piece, not a showcase for Murphy and Aykroyd to ham it up, and it actually worked. While the script was pretty good, it is Landis' ability to edit the film to capture all the comedic beats that makes this movie great. Without his eye and ear for timing, this script would have been wasted.
The lawyer joke following this is so simple, but so effective
As good as Trading Places is, it isn't exactly a work of art. I love this script, but the entire scheme to steal the crop reports was incredibly stupid. Even if you ignore the Halloween-quality costumes the group wears to travel incognito, there is a bigger problem.
And I'm not talking about the black-face. This time.
Okay, so the good guys need to trick Clarence Beaks and steal his briefcase, right? So far, he has personally hired Ophelia and has personally planted evidence on Winthorpe. Logic would dictate that those two would not be involved in the plan, because he knows what they look like. The script, however, dictates that Winthorpe --- the pansy-ass white boy --- pose as a Jamaican and Ophelia is dressed like a stereotypical German girl...with a Swedish accent. Sure, having Coleman pose as a priest and Billy Ray as an African exchange student and having them all sit in the same train car was not exactly a stroke of genius, but there's stupid, and then there's functionally handicapped thinking.
Although I see how they thought she could be useful
That scene is one of the few that treads the line between stupid funny and obnoxiously dumb --- the other is arguably the whole "one gorilla, two gorilla" issue --- but I will commend it for not being dull, at least. Hell, I actually kind of like it, even though it is SOOOO dumb! What makes Trading Places a classic for me, though, are the little touches that I notice more and more with every viewing. Have you ever noticed that Winthorpe's prison numbers are the same as John Belushi's in The Blues Brothers? How about the other tribute to himself that Landis inserted, his customary "See You Next Wednesday" reference?
Hint: it's above and left of the nipples
What is that referencing? I have no idea, but it pops up in most Landis works, for whatever reason. If you know the story behind it, please leave a comment. It's not just the Easter eggs in the movie that I enjoy, though. I have come to love the punchline-free jokes and sayings. No matter what day of the year it is, if you say "Looking good, Brian," I will inevitably respond with "Feeling good, [whoever you are]." It's not exactly a gag, but I adore that exchange between characters in the beginning and end of this film. How about Billy Ray imitating the deep-voiced tough guy? "Yeah" isn't normally enough to make an impact on me, but this is a wonderful movie for contextual jokes. This is also one of the few movies that manages to get racist humor exactly right; the racists are so obviously the bad guys, and the things they presume are so inoffensive that I have to laugh at their racist stupidity. I mean, seriously --- who wouldn't get into a limo with two elderly white dudes offering "whiskey --- all you want"?!? That's not a racial tendency, that's how you pick up any man between the ages of 18-35. It blows my mind how funny I find this movie, even though it is relatively light on jokes. I don't know if it is thanks to the excellent characterization from the script, the spot-on acting from the cast, the excellent editing from the director, or the fantastic orchestral soundtrack (how many comedies can boast that?), but Trading Places is a rare comedy that is clever and stupid and still makes you care about the characters. This easily makes my top three comedies of all time.
Happy Friday the 13th, everyone! To celebrate, I decided to review one of my favorite bad movies of all time, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. It doesn't take a bold person to claim that the seventh sequel of a low-budget horror movie is bad, but Jason Takes Manhattan is uniquely bad in a film series that is not particularly renowned for its high quality. Needless to say, I have watched this movie at least thirty times, and am damned proud of it.
With a subtitle like Jason Takes Manhattan, you should know what's in store for you, as an audience: Jason Voorhies tearing it up in NYC spending a lot of time on a boat. After the events of The New Blood, Jason Voorhies (Kane Hodder) was punished for killing the Weekend at Bernie's guy by having a rotting corpse psychically revived to drag him down to the bottom of Crystal Lake. Really. I'm guessing that a year goes by (which sets this 1989 film in 2003 by my math) before Jason is awakened by a boat anchor tearing open a hole in a power line (left conveniently uncovered at the bottom of the lake), after the anchor has dragged the power line into contact with Jason, of course. Jason wakes up and is understandably cranky, so he kills a few naughty teens.
He then sails the boat (he can drive a boat?!?) back to the Crystal Lake marina (it has a marina?!?). After that, he presumably jumps into the water and climbs up the anchor chain to sneak onto the Crystal Lake senior class's senior cruise ship. Now, you may wonder why Jason bothered to sneak on board, since nobody could have stopped him walking up the gangplank. My short answer is that Jason is quite a joker, but more on that later. You may also wonder how a location that is known as a vacation/murder destination could get its own high school, but I have an answer for that, too: shh...! The senior cruise sets sail to New York City. Now you may wonder how Crystal Lake suddenly got a river attached to it, much less one that would connect it to New York; to you critics, I answer "the same way Crystal Lake suddenly became surrounded by mountains for the first time ever." Now, Jason's only on the cruise for two reasons, to murder some asses and chew bubble gum --- but he's all out of gum! The amazingly diverse class of Crystal Lake High (which includes a nerd, a rocker, some jocks, and a smart Asian(Kelly Hu))
Who happens to also be a mutant
is easy pickings for Mr. Voorhies, but Jason is just a little too efficient at ruining the ship. He starts to flood the vessel, and five survivors and a dog make it to a life raft. After a few minutes (or hours...or days...the movie doesn't really give any hints), the survivors manage to pass the Statue of Liberty into New York Harbor. That's right, kids --- these survivors sailed into NYC from the East, which gives Crystal Lake the approximate location of here:
So then what happens? Well, children, you'll have to watch to find out. Spoiler Alert! You get to see Jason's face, or at least what it would look like if it was sculpted in outdated yogurt.
What makes Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan bad enough to stand out from the crowd of bad Friday the 13th sequels? For starters --- but just for starters --- the movie spends only a few scenes in New York City. With a subtitle like this, you might expect to see Jason scaling the Empire State Building or dropping bodies in Yankee Stadium, but all you see of the Big Apple is the Statue of Liberty and a brief shot of Times Square. That's it. The rest is on the stupid cruise ship or filmed in Vancouver, which looks a lot more like Detroit than it does Manhattan.
Perhaps the stupidest (and thus, my most favorite) thing about this film is the fact that Jason reaches New York City and hunts down the Crystal Lake survivors. Imagine that...a city full of sinners, especially with all the gang and drug activity in the late 80s, and Jason decides to spare the sewers of humanity in an effort to track down five people --- who have split up, mind you --- in the biggest city on the planet.
He doesn't even take a swing at these punks!
It is also worth noting that in Jason Takes Vancouver, we are given some of the least likable heroes in a series known for making you hate the heroes enough to root for the killer. For starters, there is the charisma-free Suzi (Tiffany Paulsen), who is afraid of water, wears a "stylish" vest, and takes her dog with her on her senior cruise.
Above: Nancy Grace's inspiration
And she's the heroine! There is a total bitch popular girl, some inoffensive middling students, and the two teachers chaperoning the trip. The teachers are interesting; the lady (Barbara Bingham, who you might recognize from Cop Target...or more likely, not) is suspiciously close to the heroine --- she hugs and buys the girl presents --- and the other is the heroine's uncle/guardian Charles (Peter Mark Richman), who is as evil and wrong as often as he can possibly fit into this film's 100 minute running time. So, we have a sexual predator and an asshole. Great. Charles not only refuses to believe in Jason (strike one), he repeatedly blames the creepy longshoreman for the murders with little to no proof (strike two), and he acts like a complete dick to the people who are rowing his sorry ass to safety (yer out!). I expect to dislike most of the characters in a Friday the 13th movie, but this was ridiculous. Never have I wished so hard for Jason to amuse me with his deadly talent than in this movie.
Luckily, Jason provides. There are an impressive nineteen kills in this film. My favorite kill in Jason Takes Vancouver has to be the boxing scene. Not only does it have the unprecedented choice of a character trying to out-punch Jason without a weapon, even though he knew damn well that Jason is an unkillable zombie, but Jason takes the Rocky approach to boxing; he simply blocks his opponent's punches with his face until his enemy gets tired. Then, Jason punches his head clean off.
It's like Rocky vs. Apollo Creed, but prettier
There are some other sweet moments, like when Jason kills the rocker chick with her guitar or when he punches a sauna stone into a dude's chest, despite having just about every other way to kill that particular victim available. There are a lot of kills, but many are pretty basic, unfortunately.
The movie isn't all bad, though. For instance, this is the film where Kane Hodder famously (and I use that term loosely) refused to kick a dog, because Jason wouldn't do something like that. Except for the time when he maybe did.
The true hero of Jason Takes Manhattan
This film also shows off some of Jason's talents. Manhattan is the first film in which Jason can obviously and indisputably teleport. Granted, nobody says anything along the lines of "Whoa, that goalie sure can teleport," but it's pretty obvious. Take his murder of the rocker chick.
As hilarious as this kill is, it gets better when you slow it down and examine it. Rocker chick is hanging out in a secluded area, rocking out with her guitar and a tape deck that is either A) letting her play guitar over a track that is (karaoke-like) free of guitar chords or B) playing the guitar for her, so she is simply performing an elaborate air guitar. Jason being Jason, he shows up, looking for blood, at the top of the stairs above her. Rocker chick freaks out, carefully sets her guitar down and turns off the tape deck. She then runs downstairs, where she is met by Jason, who swings her guitar into her face, making sure she dies before she gets old. That means that Jason teleported to grab the guitar and teleported again to get in front of her in time to swing the guitar like a baseball bat into her cranium. There is no other explanation that doesn't involve circus-like acrobatics that are not shown on-screen. Of course, there is also the kill where the victim starts climbing a ladder, the camera looks down at Jason on the ground, then back at the kid quickly ascending the ladder, and back at Jason on the ground, and then back to the kid quickly ascending the ladder and HOLY CRAP JASON JUST THREW HIM OFF THE LADDER!
Like this, but effective
It is also worth pointing out that this movie came out the same year as the truly awful Friday the 13th video game.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooooou dot dot
I can honestly say that I have stronger feelings about that game than about most international crises. Which is sad, I'll admit, but still....it's a wretched game.
I would also like to point out that the inept screenwriting, editing and direction of Rob Hedden kept him from directing another feature film for eighteen years. I'm sure this film suffered some drastic budget cuts, since the Fridays had been losing steam for a while now, but this is a classic example of how not to make a movie look like it is a big budget film. The acting is pitiable, the direction is nonexistent (if you want to be kind) and the editing makes little to no sense. Is the heroine hallucinating, or does she have an unexplained psychic link to Jason? Um...yes. Do the Crystal Lakians manage to find the only police officer in New York who has a Canadian accent? Of course. Does Jason explode through every door he encounters? Why not? Friday the 13th: Jason Takes Manhattan is not a good film by any stretch of the imagination and is, in many ways, the low point in a series that never set the bar very high. And yet I love all that this film does wrong. Objectively, this movie definitely deserves a
But how can you grade a movie like this objectively? It brings me so much joy! And it's kind of like grading the handicapped kid on the same scale that you would an astronaut. This is one of my absolute favorite Lefty Gold movies, and it deserves my completely irrational rating of
When I reviewed Jesus Christ Superstar a few weeks ago, I listed South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory as my favorite musicals. I apparently forgot about one of my all-time favorite films, The Blues Brothers. I could try and defend my omission by classifying the film as an action movie (the car chases probably made Burt Reynolds jealous) or as a comedy, but I'll just 'fess up. I forgot about it. I'm dumb like that sometimes.
Without a doubt, the best movie idea to ever spring from Saturday Night Live, The Blues Brothers took the surprisingly successful (and shockingly legit) R&B/soul/blues band that got its start on SNL and gave them a story. Sure, Their first album, Briefcase Full of Blues, had album liner notes detailing some of that backstory. Sure, it certainly helped that the band hadn't become annoying by starring in some inevitably underwhelming SNL sketches --- these gags were fresh, even if the characters were recognizable. But what helped the most was the combination of Dan Aykroyd and John Landis. Landis showed a talent for filming action and music numbers that complemented his already established skill with directing comedies. Add Landis' surprising skill set with a still-funny Dan Aykroyd (rarely seen after Nothing But Trouble), and you get an odd blend of clever comedy, stupid comedy, reckless destruction and truly awesome musical numbers.
If you don't love this scene, you have no soul (or R&B or blues)
When Joliet Jake Blues (John Belushi) --- with "JAKE" tattooed on his knuckles --- is released on parole, he is met by his brother, Elwood (Dan Aykroyd) --- with "ELWO" tattooed on the knuckles of one hand, and "OD" finishing off the name on his other fist --- and the two return to the orphanage where they grew up. Times are tough for the orphanage, though, and five thousand dollars is needed to keep the place open or the only parents Jake and Elwood have ever known --- the abrasive Sister Mary "The Penguin" Stigmata (Kathleen Freeman) and the orphanage's janitor, Cal (Cab Calloway) --- will be living in a remote mission and the street, respectively.
What's one more scat-singer on the street to the Board of Education?
Jake and Elwood hastily agree to get the money in time for the approaching deadline, but The Penguin insists that they get the money honestly. That poses more of a problem. Cal recommends they attend a church where they hear a sermon from Reverend Cleophus (James Brown). During the unexpectedly lively sermon, complete with dancers, people doing flips, back-up vocals from Chaka Khan, and shockingly poor enunciation, the boys receive a message.
"...ah herr a diss toob in sown!"
To save the orphanage, they must bring The Blues Brothers Band back together. This isn't just their idea; this is what God wants them to do. It's not going to be easy, though. The band has split up, taking various joe jobs and moving on with their lives. And if they get the band together, they still need to play an enormous show and it needs to be ridiculously successful. And even if they are able to do that, there are a number of people out to get the Blues Brothers, simply for doing whatever it is they do. But they won't fail. They're on a mission from God, after all.
The acting in The Blues Brothers is pretty hit-and-miss. John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd have wonderful chemistry and are thoroughly entertaining throughout, even when speaking one-word sentences.
The great thing about this movie is that the wonderful, random and physical comedy these two bring to the table is just icing on the cake. Aside from small roles from John Candy (note: do not emulate his bar scene and order orange whips. They are disgusting), Henry Gibson, Frank Oz, Charles Napier, and Carrie Fisher (all of whom were just lovely), the rest of the cast is filled with amateurs. If you are looking to make a movie that featured great musicians acting, stick to Cab Calloway and Aretha Franklin. The other musicians --- specifically Matt "Guitar" Murphy, Donald "Duck" Dunn and Steve "The Colonel" Cropper --- are about as wooden as you can get.
As her husband says, "They're all pretty bad."
Luckily, the bad acting from the non-professional cast feeds into the awkward timing and left-field jokes that Landis loves in his films. In any other movie, I would point to the cameos of Paul Reubens, Steven Spielberg, and that guy who played the limo driver in Die Hard as high points in the casting, but I can honestly quote at least a dozen lines of dialogue from these musicians. Their acting may not be great, but their delivery and Landis' editing makes them surprisingly memorable.
"I wrote Boom Boom" "No you didn't!"
The real star of the film was the musical numbers, though. Even at the height of the band's popularity (they did have a number one album), I doubt anyone would have expected legends like James Brown, Aretha Franklin, Ray Charles, John Lee Hooker and Cab Calloway to showing up and sing in this film. And The Blues Brothers Band is shockingly good. Filled with established sessions musicians as well as the guitarist and bassist from Booker T and the MGs --- who supplied some of the major musical themes for the film --- this was a musical machine. Belushi and Aykroyd's vocals aren't bad, but they are enthusiastic, which makes all the difference. When you mix that enthusiasm with the credentials of their band and the great guest performers, you get some truly memorable music scenes.
John Landis directed The Blues Brothers and co-wrote it with Aykroyd. This isn't a script that could have been pulled off by just any actors --- there are too many weird gags and half-written jokes ("Got my Cheese Whiz?") that required these exact leads --- but the fact that Landis and Aykroyd were able to take advantage of their familiarity with each other (and Belushi, of course) to make so many of these jokes work is remarkable. Also impressive is how Landis was able to take that SNL staple of humor (ridiculously over-doing something because "Get it? This is sillier than real life!") and multiply it a thousandfold. Sure, it's kind of funny that a lot of police would chase Jake and Elwood for, essentially, being awesome; Landis brings in SWAT, tanks, and the National Guard into the mix, turning a slightly silly idea into something ludicrously over-the-top.
Example
John Landis is not a director known for his rapport with the actors in his films, and that is why he usually doesn't get surprising performances; the actors you expect to be funny are funny, and then there's everybody else. But Landis edited this picture surprisingly well, too. He mixes iconic shots of the Chicagoland area with iconic shots of the actors.
He sometimes ends scenes abruptly to punch up the humor in a parting line of dialogue. His camera work is fairly commonplace for most of the film (aside from avoiding Jakes eyes in the opening credits), but he shows an eye for shots that look great. He's never afraid to make a choice that is stupid or silly, either (the Nazi car chase, for example); it's almost as if his attitude while making this film was "why not?" And it doesn't hurt that he decided to wreck a shocking amount of property while filming this movie. After all, if the music and the jokes don't appeal to you, at least you can enjoy the destruction of a mall and some massive car pileups.
Behind the scenes secret: John Landis hates cars
The Blues Brothers shouldn't work as well as it does. Hell, it shouldn't have been made like this. No studio would give a Saturday Night Live idea, even one with proven commercial appeal, a budget this large. Hell, MacGruber had one-third the budget of this film, and The Blues Brothers was made thirty years earlier! Of course, MacGruber was obviously going to suck, but that's still an impressive budgetary difference. So many of these scenes work because they are so big and over-the-top (Carrie Fisher's destruction, the car chases, the mall scene, and Maxwell Street musical numbers, etc.), and it is a miracle these filmmakers were allowed to dream this big. While it would have certainly been different with a smaller budget, The Blues Brothers shows so much love for its music that the scale doesn't matter much.
I think I was born to love this movie. The Chicago setting, music that fits the city (and you can still hear bums play on the streets), and comedy that toes the line between stupid and clever...it's just so good. And I have always kind of liked the Wrigley Field bit, too.
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