Thunderball

What the hell is a Thunderball?  According to the always lyrically helpful Tom Jones, it is a way in which you can strike.  As in, "he strikes like Thunderball."  Is that innuendo?  Could the mysterious term be replaced with Hurricanejunk or Tornadocock?  I have to admit, I've always been puzzled by that.  In the context of the film Thunderball, it is the code name of MI6's plan to thwart the evil plans of SPECTRE --- the SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, extortion and awesome acronymsE.  It's been a while since I have reviewed a James Bond film --- over five months! --- which means that I have accidentally been depriving myself of the best super-spy in the business for almost half a year.  That ends today.

"So, it's your SPECTRE against mine."  I've never seen someone so pleased with a "subtle" jab.

The always ingenious SPECTRE organization has struck again!  But instead of manipulating other nations (From Russia With Love) or messing with the space program (Dr. No), SPECTRE has decided to grow a pair and straight-out threaten the world.  In a ridiculously complicated plot, which involves plastic surgery and an evil spa, the organization manages to steal some nuclear weapons and they (quite logically, I think) opt to ransom the Western world for £100 million in diamonds.  Huh.  I forgot that Doctor Evil joke was actually accurate.  As luck would have it, agent 007, James Bond (Sean Connery) happened to be convalescing at the same spa where SPECTRE people were preparing for the nuke snatch.

That is one unsettling smirk

This is immediately following Bond killing SPECTRE operative Number 6.  What are the odds that he would foil one SPECTRE operation and stumble into another?  If you immediately thought "one in 007," smack yourself, please.  How can Bond possibly try to avert this very serious, no-fooling nuclear catastrophe?  By befriending the mistress of SPECTRE operative Number 2, Largo (Adolpho Celi), and more or less baiting the supervillain.

The problem with Bond villains: Largo handing James a gun

More than any other Bond film, Thunderball is truly the blueprint for the series.  Dr. No was too small-time, From Russia With Love was too espionage-heavy, and Goldfinger was just a one-off run at awesomeness.  This is the first Bond movie that dared to dream big and wasn't afraid to be completely ridiculous in the process. 

"I have no idea what you are referring to"

Thunderball really has all the Bond benchmarks.  Gadgets from Q (Desmond Llewelyn)?  Check.  Over the top villains?  I think a shark-loving, baccarat-playing, one-eyed henchman fits the bill.  Big stakes?  It doesn't get much bigger than nuclear terrorism.  Ridiculous action sequences?  There is a jet pack scene, a swimming pool filled with sharks, and a car equipped with weaponized and pressurized water.  Bond girls?  This movie has three.  One-liners?  Oh, my, yes.  In so many ways, Thunderball is the quintessential Bond movie.

This was the fourth James Bond film, and the fourth time Sean Connery played the character.  Connery's Bond is the most interesting to watch because he changes his style subtly with each outing.  While this may be his fourth time playing Bond, this Bond is a lot cockier than before (which is saying a lot) and he's a bit of a prick.  I'm totally fine with that choice, but it does lead to some of the more ridiculous (and awesome) moments in the movie.  Adolpho Celi doesn't really stand a a chance against such a confident and competent secret agent.  Celi isn't bad, but his character's main talent is ruthlessness, which is negated in every scene where he doesn't shoot Bond in the face.  Aside from that gaping plot hole, Celi is fine, but nowhere near as engaging as any of the Bond villains up to this point, mostly thanks to his stupid character.  I mean, he's supposed to be representing a super-secret villainous organization, right?  Look at this picture: 

He's wearing his damn SPECTRE class ring!  What is it about "super-secret organization" that he doesn't get?  Bah!

The rest of the cast is more sensible.  The requisite Bond girls are all halfway decent.  Claudine Auger played the primary Bond lady, Domino, and she probably had the meatiest role of any Bond girl to date.  She didn't deserve any awards or anything, but she stands out amongst her peers here. 

Auger, trying to unravel Van Morrison's "Domino" lyrics.  Probably.

Bond also seduced Fiona, a SPECTRE agent, played by Luciana Paluzzi; she had good crazy eyes, but the best thnig about her performance was simply being on the receiving end of Bond saying he got sexy with her "for Queen and Country."  My favorite Bond girl in this movie was definitely Bond's physical therapist (Molly Peters) from both an attractiveness standpoint as well as an amusing one.  This is the character that Bond blackmails into having sex, overreacts to his bizarre mink lecture, and then gets completely blown off by Bond when he leaves.  I wouldn't call her a role model for little girls, but she definitely plays into the irresistible mystique of Bond.  The usual suspects also make their typical brief appearances, like Desmond Llewelyn as Q, Bernard Lee as M, and Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny.  Rik Van Nutter won the annual sweepstakes to make a one-off appearance as Felix Leiter, although his filmography implies that his selection just may have been at random.

Interesting James Bond fact: most of the early Bond girls had their dialogue dubbed over by Nikki Van der Zyl.  Apparently, the foreign models used in these movies had thick accents and/or limited acting ability (**gasp!**), so Nikki did the voices for most of the sexy women in nine (!) of the first eleven Bond films, including Domino.  Sadly, she is not named in any of the credits of these films.  I just stumbled across this knowledge, and it astounded me that there could be such a huge Bond contributor that I had absolutely no knowledge of.

This is the third and final James Bond film directed by Terence Young.  While Thunderball lacks the spy intrigue of his earlier work, Young definitely left his mark on the franchise.  The underwater scenes in this film are what stand out the most.  To this day, the underwater cinematography in this film is some of the best ever done, and it is probably on the largest scale, too.  Aside from the underwater scenes, Young appears to have relaxed a little, and it shows in how nasty and smart-assed Connery is allowed to be.  I don't think that's a good or bad thing; it's just noticeable.

This is framed in my home.  Fact.

Unfortunately, Young's strongest point is also Thunderball's weakest.  The underwater scenes, while pretty, are dreadfully dull.  They are long, the otherwise awesome score becomes irritatingly repetitive during them, and it is very difficult to identify characters when they are in full-body wetsuits with masks on.  Oh, and everything happens slowly underwater.  This was the biggest Bond movie to date, and yet you can tell that the filmmakers were struggling with ways to top themselves.  This was also the most tongue-in-cheek Bond movie to date.  When you combine an increased tendency for one-liners with extended periods free of dialogue (the underwater scenes, duh), you wind up with a poorly paced film.  Of course, the plot is also one of the stupider plots in the history of Bond plots, where believability is usually not a priority.  Why do Largo and Bond maintain a polite rivalry?  There is no need for it, whatsoever; they're not fooling each other, so I don't get the point.  I could deal with the water scenes if there was more espionage in the rest of the film.  Despite all of that, Thunderball truly is the best example of a James Bond 007 film.  It doesn't have a great story and it is definitely flawed thanks to its signature action sequence, but it is charming and cool.  It is silly and stupid, but nowhere near as hammy or dumb as the later Roger Moore films.  It's not perfect by any means, but it is definitely definitive Bond.

Fun fact: Johnny Cash submitted a song he wrote for this soundtrack.  It's not half bad, but it sure isn't a Bond theme.

From Russia With Love

The overriding theme of the first James Bond movie, Dr. No, is that James Bond is awesome.  The theme of the second James Bond movie, From Russia With Love, is that James Bond is awesomer than before.  Do you really need proof?  Fine.  One of the central plot lines in this movie has a low-level Soviet agent defecting to England because she fell in love with the photograph of Bond in her Soviet files --- and British Intelligence's reaction is "While unusual, I'm willing to believe it."  That's right.  Bond is so manly that the mere sight of him causes the ladies to defect (which sounds like a dirty fetish, but is instead just dangerous).  In short, James Bond's picture is more awesome than most men in person.

The film opens with a dangerous cat-and-mouse game where James Bond is stalking/being stalked by an agent of SPECTRE, the international organization of eee-veeel.  The SPECTRE agent, Grant (a young Robert Shaw) actually gets the upper hand and garrotes Bond to death!  Well, it turns out to be a random dude with a Mission Impossible II-quality Bond mask and a tuxedo, so it's not all that impressive.  Still, we learn a few very important things about SPECTRE in this scene.  First, we learn that SPECTRE is willing to kill people to better train their agents, which is a very eee-veeel thing to do.  Second, we learn that this exercise takes place on --- wait for it --- SPECTRE Island.  For an organization that keeps the names of its agents secret (we see Numbers One, Three, and Five in this film), that is a hilariously not secret name for their secret base.  I hope that's the actual name of the island, as it appears on maps.  And thirdly, SPECTRE fully expects to kill James Bond while wearing a tux.  Sure, that's a possibility, I guess, but why go to the expense of fitting a corpse-to-be with a nice tuxedo and then have his death bowel spasms soil the suit?  Wait...don't tell me...I can figure this one out...SPECTRE has their live bait wear tuxedos because...um...their international crime syndicate uses dry cleaners as legitimate business fronts for their terrorist activities!  I feel so smart right now.

Anyway, SPECTRE's ace planner/eee-veeel chess master, Number Five, comes up with a plan that will achieve three objectives if successful: it will increase tensions between East and West (this was the Cold War, you know), SPECTRE will get a valuable decoding device, and James Bond (Sean Connery) will die for meddling with Dr. No in the last movie.  The plan is to convince a loyal and beautiful Communist worker with access to the decoding device to pretend to defect to England; she will offer to steal the device, but only if James Bond is the agent assigned to aid her defection.  SPECTRE will kill everyone involved and steal the decoder, leaving the West to believe that SMERSH (Soviet counterintelligence) did the deed and vice versa.  Bond and MI6 (British Intelligence) assume that it is all a trap, but the decoder is worth the risk, so Bond agrees to go to.  Of course, a picture of the defecting Soviet, Tatiana (Daniela Bianchi), helps Bond make his decision. 

No wonder she wants to defect...they can't even afford pants in Russia!

As far as Bond plots go, From Russia With Love is one of the most straight-forward.  We know that Tatiana isn't terribly duplicitous.  We know SPECTRE is pulling the strings, and we know who their agents are in the film.  We know that Bond knows that this is all a trap.  This is all set up at the beginning of the movie, so there's no real twist in this film.  Instead, we get to see the best espionage-counterespionage Bond to date.

Once again, Sean Connery is James Bond, and he's so good in this movie.  He's not quite as cocky as he gets in Goldfinger, but still well aware of his charms.  Heck, he should be --- the story is based on the premise that his looks are undeniably defection-worthy.  Aside from that, though, this is perhaps the smartest and most realistic Bond of the sixties; he's a little more sophisticated, a little less campy, and he's a lot more confident.  How else do you explain this exchange?

Tatiana: My friends call me Tanya.
JB: My friends call me James Bond.
[...]
Tatiana: I think my mouth is too big.
JB: I think it's just the right size.  For me, that is!

Bam!  Now that is how to simultaneously distance yourself emotionally and yet also innuendo yourself into some sexy time!  James, you are the master.  That dialogue is a little dirtier once you know that Tatiana was naked under some bedsheets while they introduced themselves and SPECTRE agents were, for some reason, preparing to film them having sex.  I guess the "P" in SPECTRE stands for "Perverts."

...because when I think "Russia," I imagine belly dancers and cat fights.

The rest of the acting is actually pretty good.  Daniela Bianchi isn't a great actress, but she's believable as the too-good-to-be-true Russian doll; this movie is so many things, but it is also one of the great inflators of the male ego --- a beautiful woman chooses to endure great hardship and danger, just to satisfy her lust for a man she has never met.  Basically, she has to look sexy and act attracted to Bond.  It's not tough work, but she succeeds.  Lotte Lenya was good as Number 3, the prototype for Frau Farbissina of the Austin Powers series, but I was really impressed by Robert Shaw.  I've seen this movie a dozen times, but this was the first time I recognized him --- he's so young, and thin, and...blonde!  He is a worthy adversary for Bond and, aside from indulging in every Bond villain's weakness (monologuing), one of the most formindable foes he faces in the entire series.  The rest of the cast are the normal bit players.  Bernard Lee returned as M with Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny.  Desmond Llewelyn made his first appearance as Major Boothroyd from Q Branch (not just "Q" yet); his character was played by another man in Dr. No.  I was also surprised to recognize Eunice Grayson as the first woman we see Bond with in the film; she's the same actress and character that Bond met playing baccarat in the last film.  You don't usually see Bond girls popping up in more than one film.  I guess Bond was a little more commitment-friendly in the old days.  I mean, if you can count sleeping with four women in one film a "commitment."  We also see the mysterious Number 1 in this film, but never his face.  He doesn't appear to be very nice, though.

This movie has an awful lot of suggestive content for a movie made for mass consumption in 1963.  Aside from Tatiana throwing herself at Bond, not even making him undress her, there are a number of oddly lewd moments in From Russia....  For instance, the head of MI6 in Istanbul is in his home, trying to read his newspaper, but his stupid wife keeps pestering him to spend time with her in their bedroom.  He sighs and says, "Back to the salt mines," and kisses her.  Callous?  Yes.  Awesome?  Of course.  Then there is the time when Bond settles a feud between two gypsy women by (presumably) having a threesome.  I'm not saying his plan didn't work, but I don't know if his plan and the gypsy plan was one and the same.  And, of course, there is the sex tape.  What exactly was SPECTRE going to do with a sex tape?  Blackmail Bond?  I would have assumed that dirty man whore makes his own tapes, probably with gadgets on loan from Q Branch.  Do they expect him to have shame over his promiscuity?  Talk about not knowing your victim.  Granted, none of this, even the threesome, is as suggestive as the name Pussy Galore, but I'm surprised this didn't receive more protests for inappropriate content when it first came out.

This is the first Bond film where the man gets some gadgets to play with.  Q Branch supplies James with a briefcase equipped with a hidden throwing knife, 50 gold sovereigns, a tiny sniper rifle, and a teargas trap to nail anyone trying to snoop in the case.  No, it's not a laser wristwatch, but it is baby steps in the direction the series would soon take.  Overall, the briefcase seems fairly plausible and every part of it was used in the movie.

Okay, so it's pretty obvious that I like this movie.  It can't be perfect, though, can it?  No, it can't.  While I'm perfectly fine with Terence Young's direction (he and Connery work well together), and I enjoyed seeing how Young handled a more professional supporting cast than in the last movie, I didn't see the point in the boat chase.  Sure, I understand that it is part of the falling action and it helps show that the Double-0 agent is always in danger, but boat chases are always terrible.  Always.  Please, prove me wrong.  The movie also disappoints by having Bond drink an unnamed mixed drink, champagne, and gypsy wine, but never his signature drink.  This is also the only Bond movie (aside from the theme-less Dr. No) to not have the theme song sung in the opening credits --- it's instrumental, for some unknown reason.  It's not even a bad song, either.  I was surprised that two of the SPECTRE numbers (the big time agents) die in this movie; it leaves things a little too tidy for my liking.  This movie feels like they were planning to build up to something significant with SPECTRE in the next film, but killing the agents we know allows Goldfinger to be SPECTRE-free.  It's an odd choice to have them so prominent here, but with nothing to lead them into the next movie.

That is totally just nitpicking, though.  From Russia With Love is my favorite Bond movie.  You can make a case for Goldfinger (and I will when I review it), but this is the one that sets the standard of excellence in the series.  It's smarter than most, but also slower than most, I admit.  However, these are the most well-developed Bond characters we will see for a few decades, and that makes up for the lack of explosions and goofy henchmen.  This is the first Bond that actually feels like a real spy story, and it's a good one.  After this film, the Bond movies take on a life of their own, mostly independent of Ian Fleming's novels, but this is tough, gritty, suspenseful, and genuinely cool.

Dr. No

Looking back at the very first James Bond 007 film, the thing that sticks out to me is the lack of a theme song.  Oh, sure, the awesome and classic "James Bond Theme" makes its impressive debut in Dr. No, but there is no song with "Dr. No" in the title or the lyrics.  I understand that the franchise's wonderfully ridiculous/awful collaboration with Shirley Bassey was still a few years away, but really?  Here, I'll get you started:

Doc-torrrrrrr Nooooooo
He always says "yes"
To daaaaaaaan-ger!

Throw in some over-the-top orchestrated horns and some surf guitar, get Shirley or Lulu to sing it, and the song's practically finished.  You're welcome.  When the movie gets re-reissued on BluRay, I better get some songwriting royalties.

When we first meet James Bond (Sean Connery), he is already a full-fledged 007 agent, which means that he works for MI6 (the British CIA) and has a license to kill.  That also means that this is not an origin story, either, which is unusual for the first film in a franchise.  The first time he is seen on screen, Bond is playing baccarat, the most mysterious form of gambling in the Western world.  At least, I can't figure it out.  Bond wins a bunch of money at a casino/hotel, checks in at the office and gets an assignment, and then comes back to his room to find that somebody is inside!  Armed, Bond pounces into the bedroom to find the beautiful woman he beat in baccarat is hanging out, wearing his pajamas; and no, the gun does not deter her attempts to seduce Mr. Bond.  If there was a laser-powered suitcase somewhere in this sequence, I could claim this to be the quintessential Bond sequence.  Oh well, it's a damn good introduction to the character that is part man, part spy, and all male slut.  Or, if "slut" is an offensive term to you, please feel free to substitute it with "he-whore."

The plot is pretty basic (for a Bond movie).  Bond is sent to Jamaica to investigate the disappearance of the local Station Chief.  Since Jamaica isn't a hotbed for anti-British sentiment, it's not a place where there are many motives for assassinating members of British Intelligence; Bond quickly comes to the conclusion that the Section Chief was disappeared because of his work with the CIA on a case involving Dr. No (Joseph Wiseman).  The good doctor is a mysterious figure who owns his own island off the coast of Jamaica and is obviously up to no good.  Bond's CIA contact, Felix Leiter (Jack Lord), apparently doesn't have the cobblers (or the jurisdiction, I forget which) to check out the island himself, so Bond is forced to recruit some local talent to help.  The "talent" is Quarrel (John Kitzmiller), a fisherman who is superstitious (certainly not because of his dark skin, because a British movie in 1962 certainly wouldn't be racist) and drinks frequently from a jug of rum, which Bond never mentions and allows on the potentially dangerous mission.  If you're as slutty as James Bond, I suppose you never know when an orgy might break out, so I guess that's believable for his character.

Before he leaves for the island, Bond faces a few minor threats to his life, including a tarantula, three blind assassins, and woman willing to use sex as a stalling tactic.  The life of a double-0 agent is a tough one.  Quarrel and Bond sail for Dr. No's island and meet professional shell collector Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress).  She doesn't seem very bright, despite being the daughter of a scientist, but she has a very comely bikini, so Bond lets her hang out with him.  They did not arrive unnoticed, though, and Dr. No's men attempt to capture the group with a tank that is disguised to look like a dragon.  Because dragons are less noteworthy, I guess.  Quarrel dies in the attempt (perhaps soaking himself in rum was a bad idea when facing a flame thrower), so James and Honey surrender.  They are taken to Dr. No's secret complex, where they meet the man behind the madness, someone so evil that he has bionic hands --- Dr. No.  Duh-duh-DUUUUUM!  Who is this reclusive madman, and what are his evil plans?  Will Honey Ryder's name turn out to be a double entendre?  Will we ever find out what evil organization Dr. No belongs to?

Well, for the last question the answer is SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence Terrorism Revenge and Extortion, AKA SPECTRE.  That is one awesome acronym.  While the first mention of SPECTRE is certainly noteworthy, this film has a number of "firsts" for the Bond franchise.  It's the first time we hear James introduce himself as "Bond.  James Bond."  His signature drink is introduced, too, although the description is a bit lacking: "medium dry vodka martini, not stirred."  This film also introduces audiences to Bond's boss, M (Bernard Lee) and M's secretary, Miss Moneypenny (Lois Maxwell), both of whom would appear in most of the Bond movies over the next twenty years.  Felix Leiter would also become a fixture in the Bond series, although the actors changed from film to film.  Since Dr. No introduces the James Bond Theme, of course the classic "shoot the camera" opening accompanied it.  We are also introduced to the ridiculousness of Bond villain in this film.  The cliche of placing the hero in a slow, easily escapable death trap starts here, with Honey being chained to a rock, waiting for high tide to drown her. Honey Ryder is the first Bond girl, and this is the first time that having a Bond girl in no way keeps James from rutting around with other women.  Perhaps the most important first, though, is Bond's first witty quip after a bad guy dies; when his awesome driving causes the three blind assassins (that's just silly) to drive their hearse (and that's ridiculous) off a cliff, a bystander asks where they were in such a hurry to get to.  Bond answers "They were on their way to a funeral."  And everyone nearby stopped what they were doing to pat Bond on the back and offer double high fives for his morbid and not at all inappropriate joke.  Someone in the background shouted "No you didn't!" and Bond just smiled and said "Oh, yes, I did."  And then he impregnates the nearest woman with only smirk and the suggestive use of his eyebrows.  Um...some of that sequence may just happen in my head whenever I watch this movie.

Just because a film is noteworthy doesn't necessarily mean that it is good, though.  As luck would have it, this one is.  The acting from the Jamaican cast ,while certainly not great, is over-the-top enough to make even the bad acting amusing.  Quarrel, in particular, is fun to watch, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that he did a good job.  Ursula Andress sets the status quo as the first Bond girl; you don't have to act much, as long as you look pretty.  Done and done.  Joseph Wiseman does a good job as the villainous Dr. No, even if his job is to remain impassive and detached.  The all-important role of James Bond was played wonderfully by Sean Connery.  This is the film that establishes that women-want-him-men-want-to-be-him super-cool persona, and Connery is the quintessential Bond.  His fight scenes were well choreographed (for the time), even if they were sped up on screen, he was charming, and he was smart.  What else do you want from a secret agent?  Director Terence Young knew what was important in this film --- conveying that Bond is cool --- and spent most of his time proving that point.  It paid off, even if the plot can be confusing to a first-time viewer and the supporting cast oftentimes just grins vacantly.  As far as action-adventure films go, Young gets the job done and done well.

That is not to say that the movie is flawless.  Many of Bond's secret agent tricks of the trade have been woefully outdated since before I was born and the absence of any crazy spy gadgets makes that all the more apparent.  The funny thing is that the character that replaces Bond's Beretta with a Walther PPK at the beginning of the film is actually the head of Q branch, and is the very same character that Desmond Llewelyn would play until 1999, AKA Mr. Gadget Guy.  And yet, no gadgets.  The subordinate villains in this film are definitely some of the dumbest Bond has ever encountered, trying a number of different methods to kill Bond, but using bullets only as a last-ditch effort.  The fact that Bond is captured, told the evil plot by Dr. No, and still allowed to live is pretty dumb, too.

Those aren't huge problems in a movie with such an entertaining lead character, though.  While this movie still has some rough edges around it (at least, as far as Bond movies go), the overall package is still impressive, even if it is somewhat dated.  Dr. No is missing a lot of the little things that are present in the rest of the Bond series, but it can definitely stand up on its own as an entertaining espionage romp.