Dr. No

Looking back at the very first James Bond 007 film, the thing that sticks out to me is the lack of a theme song.  Oh, sure, the awesome and classic "James Bond Theme" makes its impressive debut in Dr. No, but there is no song with "Dr. No" in the title or the lyrics.  I understand that the franchise's wonderfully ridiculous/awful collaboration with Shirley Bassey was still a few years away, but really?  Here, I'll get you started:

Doc-torrrrrrr Nooooooo
He always says "yes"
To daaaaaaaan-ger!

Throw in some over-the-top orchestrated horns and some surf guitar, get Shirley or Lulu to sing it, and the song's practically finished.  You're welcome.  When the movie gets re-reissued on BluRay, I better get some songwriting royalties.

When we first meet James Bond (Sean Connery), he is already a full-fledged 007 agent, which means that he works for MI6 (the British CIA) and has a license to kill.  That also means that this is not an origin story, either, which is unusual for the first film in a franchise.  The first time he is seen on screen, Bond is playing baccarat, the most mysterious form of gambling in the Western world.  At least, I can't figure it out.  Bond wins a bunch of money at a casino/hotel, checks in at the office and gets an assignment, and then comes back to his room to find that somebody is inside!  Armed, Bond pounces into the bedroom to find the beautiful woman he beat in baccarat is hanging out, wearing his pajamas; and no, the gun does not deter her attempts to seduce Mr. Bond.  If there was a laser-powered suitcase somewhere in this sequence, I could claim this to be the quintessential Bond sequence.  Oh well, it's a damn good introduction to the character that is part man, part spy, and all male slut.  Or, if "slut" is an offensive term to you, please feel free to substitute it with "he-whore."

The plot is pretty basic (for a Bond movie).  Bond is sent to Jamaica to investigate the disappearance of the local Station Chief.  Since Jamaica isn't a hotbed for anti-British sentiment, it's not a place where there are many motives for assassinating members of British Intelligence; Bond quickly comes to the conclusion that the Section Chief was disappeared because of his work with the CIA on a case involving Dr. No (Joseph Wiseman).  The good doctor is a mysterious figure who owns his own island off the coast of Jamaica and is obviously up to no good.  Bond's CIA contact, Felix Leiter (Jack Lord), apparently doesn't have the cobblers (or the jurisdiction, I forget which) to check out the island himself, so Bond is forced to recruit some local talent to help.  The "talent" is Quarrel (John Kitzmiller), a fisherman who is superstitious (certainly not because of his dark skin, because a British movie in 1962 certainly wouldn't be racist) and drinks frequently from a jug of rum, which Bond never mentions and allows on the potentially dangerous mission.  If you're as slutty as James Bond, I suppose you never know when an orgy might break out, so I guess that's believable for his character.

Before he leaves for the island, Bond faces a few minor threats to his life, including a tarantula, three blind assassins, and woman willing to use sex as a stalling tactic.  The life of a double-0 agent is a tough one.  Quarrel and Bond sail for Dr. No's island and meet professional shell collector Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress).  She doesn't seem very bright, despite being the daughter of a scientist, but she has a very comely bikini, so Bond lets her hang out with him.  They did not arrive unnoticed, though, and Dr. No's men attempt to capture the group with a tank that is disguised to look like a dragon.  Because dragons are less noteworthy, I guess.  Quarrel dies in the attempt (perhaps soaking himself in rum was a bad idea when facing a flame thrower), so James and Honey surrender.  They are taken to Dr. No's secret complex, where they meet the man behind the madness, someone so evil that he has bionic hands --- Dr. No.  Duh-duh-DUUUUUM!  Who is this reclusive madman, and what are his evil plans?  Will Honey Ryder's name turn out to be a double entendre?  Will we ever find out what evil organization Dr. No belongs to?

Well, for the last question the answer is SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence Terrorism Revenge and Extortion, AKA SPECTRE.  That is one awesome acronym.  While the first mention of SPECTRE is certainly noteworthy, this film has a number of "firsts" for the Bond franchise.  It's the first time we hear James introduce himself as "Bond.  James Bond."  His signature drink is introduced, too, although the description is a bit lacking: "medium dry vodka martini, not stirred."  This film also introduces audiences to Bond's boss, M (Bernard Lee) and M's secretary, Miss Moneypenny (Lois Maxwell), both of whom would appear in most of the Bond movies over the next twenty years.  Felix Leiter would also become a fixture in the Bond series, although the actors changed from film to film.  Since Dr. No introduces the James Bond Theme, of course the classic "shoot the camera" opening accompanied it.  We are also introduced to the ridiculousness of Bond villain in this film.  The cliche of placing the hero in a slow, easily escapable death trap starts here, with Honey being chained to a rock, waiting for high tide to drown her. Honey Ryder is the first Bond girl, and this is the first time that having a Bond girl in no way keeps James from rutting around with other women.  Perhaps the most important first, though, is Bond's first witty quip after a bad guy dies; when his awesome driving causes the three blind assassins (that's just silly) to drive their hearse (and that's ridiculous) off a cliff, a bystander asks where they were in such a hurry to get to.  Bond answers "They were on their way to a funeral."  And everyone nearby stopped what they were doing to pat Bond on the back and offer double high fives for his morbid and not at all inappropriate joke.  Someone in the background shouted "No you didn't!" and Bond just smiled and said "Oh, yes, I did."  And then he impregnates the nearest woman with only smirk and the suggestive use of his eyebrows.  Um...some of that sequence may just happen in my head whenever I watch this movie.

Just because a film is noteworthy doesn't necessarily mean that it is good, though.  As luck would have it, this one is.  The acting from the Jamaican cast ,while certainly not great, is over-the-top enough to make even the bad acting amusing.  Quarrel, in particular, is fun to watch, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that he did a good job.  Ursula Andress sets the status quo as the first Bond girl; you don't have to act much, as long as you look pretty.  Done and done.  Joseph Wiseman does a good job as the villainous Dr. No, even if his job is to remain impassive and detached.  The all-important role of James Bond was played wonderfully by Sean Connery.  This is the film that establishes that women-want-him-men-want-to-be-him super-cool persona, and Connery is the quintessential Bond.  His fight scenes were well choreographed (for the time), even if they were sped up on screen, he was charming, and he was smart.  What else do you want from a secret agent?  Director Terence Young knew what was important in this film --- conveying that Bond is cool --- and spent most of his time proving that point.  It paid off, even if the plot can be confusing to a first-time viewer and the supporting cast oftentimes just grins vacantly.  As far as action-adventure films go, Young gets the job done and done well.

That is not to say that the movie is flawless.  Many of Bond's secret agent tricks of the trade have been woefully outdated since before I was born and the absence of any crazy spy gadgets makes that all the more apparent.  The funny thing is that the character that replaces Bond's Beretta with a Walther PPK at the beginning of the film is actually the head of Q branch, and is the very same character that Desmond Llewelyn would play until 1999, AKA Mr. Gadget Guy.  And yet, no gadgets.  The subordinate villains in this film are definitely some of the dumbest Bond has ever encountered, trying a number of different methods to kill Bond, but using bullets only as a last-ditch effort.  The fact that Bond is captured, told the evil plot by Dr. No, and still allowed to live is pretty dumb, too.

Those aren't huge problems in a movie with such an entertaining lead character, though.  While this movie still has some rough edges around it (at least, as far as Bond movies go), the overall package is still impressive, even if it is somewhat dated.  Dr. No is missing a lot of the little things that are present in the rest of the Bond series, but it can definitely stand up on its own as an entertaining espionage romp.

Casino Royale (1967)

Sometimes, when I watch movies, there will be a sequence that makes me stop the picture, rewind and play it again.  This is done out disbelief, which can be either good or bad.  A sweet line of dialogue or an absolutely ridiculous stunt gets good disbelief.  Absolutely random or stupid things get the bad disbelief.  The entire running time for Casino Royale gets the bad kind.

While Casino Royale is based on Ian Fleming's first James Bond novel of the same name, don't confuse it with the 2006 version.  This is not an official Bond movie, but a British spoof of Bond and a bunch of other spy movies.  The film has five (!) directors, with each making their own vignette that is tied together at the very end.  John Huston, Val Guest, Ken Hughes, Joseph McGrath, and Robert Parrish all acted as director.  Each vignette has its own style and feel, and spoofs different things.  Likewise, the story is very segmented and disjointed.  It should be no surprise that the story is not the main focus for the film.  Instead, the emphasis seems to be on several small moments that, when they work, are extremely funny.

The story begins with an attempt to coax Sir James Bond (David Niven) out of retirement by his old boss, M (John Huston), a CIA guy (William Holden), someone from the KGB, and a French guy.  Predicting Bond's refusal, M arranged for the British government to bomb Bond's home and have it blamed on the evil international organization SMERSH.  The house crumbles,convincing Bond to come out of retirement, but sadly, M dies in the bombing.  Way to plan ahead, genius.  Bond's first act is to return M's body to his family in Scotland.  Sir James is a very prim and proper man who despises the seductive film versions that have had success in recent years; SMERSH seeks to discredit him by ruining his chaste image.  To do so, they replaced all of M's family with sexy SMERSH female agents, all intent on seducing Sir James.  Despite their best efforts, he resists their charms and wins over the operations leader (Deborah Kerr).  From there, Bond returns to England as the head of MI6.  He has his secretary, Miss Moneypenny (Barbara Bouchet) assign the code name "James Bond 007" to all remaining secret agents, in an attempt to confuse both SMERSH and the audience. 

I could go on in detail, but that's as clear as the plot ever gets, so it's probably not worth it.  There are only two other important story lines, in my opinion.  The first involves the recruitment of Evelyn Tremble (Peter Sellers) into a "James Bond 007" identity by fellow "James Bond," Vesper Lynd (Ursula Andress).  Tremble-Bond's mission, like in the 2006 version, is to defeat the villainous Le Chiffe (Orson Welles) at cards.  The other story line involves Sir James Bond facing off against the head of SMERSH, who also happens to be his clumsy nephew, Jimmy Bond (Woody Allen).  Jimmy is very intimidated by his uncle, so he has trouble speaking in his presence, but if his evil plan succeeds, he won't have to.  All men over 4'6" will die, leaving Jimmy as the big man in the world for all women to adore.  The rest of the film has a smorgasbord of movie stars in bit parts and plot sequences that make little to no sense, leading up to a finale that involves cowboys, Indians, and Woody Allen hiccuping illustrated clouds of smoke and eventually exploding.

The supporting cast is very good, even if they only are given a few lines.  Aside from those already mentioned (who give the best performances), George Raft, Jean-Paul Belmondo, Jacqueline Bisset, Anna Quale, Tracy Reed, Peter O'Toole, and Jack Gwillim all have bit parts.  The main acting, though, is not as good.  I realize that David Niven is as British as they come, so his humor is probably going to be very British (read: dry and peculiar, with a weakness for men wearing dresses).  This movie has a ton of slapstick in it, though, which doesn't match his style at all.  He seems uncomfortable throughout.  Peter Sellers is better, but at least half of his screen time is painfully awkward; the other half is pretty funny, though, which makes up for quite a bit.  It's Woody Allen that gets the most laughs with a great show of physical comedy near the end of the film.

The frustrating thing about this movie is that it should be far better than it is.  Seriously, who would have thought that a Peter Sellers/Woody Allen movie wouldn't be very funny?  The problems are myriad, but they boil down to a lack of vision.  Just because the movie is split into several sub-stories doesn't mean that the film as a whole has to suffer; Creepshow, Twilight Zone: The Movie, Grindhouse, and Kentucky Fried Movie are all choppy and mashed together, but their segments share a similar tone.  Casino Royale can't decide what type of comedy it is.  There's an entire sequence that appears to be a satire of contemporary German films, but then finishes with a Benny Hill-type ending.  Huh?  That's okay, Mr. Random Ending, Peter Sellers outdoes you by being physically missing from the final third of his scenes (he either quit or was fired, depending on who you ask).  David Niven's scenes work better as a whole, but they feel like they came out of a British sitcom.  They're cheap, cheeky, and pretty lame.  Basically, there are too many styles at work, and none compliment each other.  I will give director Val Guest credit for trying to tie these disparate strands of story together, but he never truly succeeds; he apparently realized this and turned down a "Supervising Director" credit after he saw the final cut of the film.  Disappointing movies don't come easily or quickly, it seems, and this mess takes over two hours to wind down.

Despite all the bad (two hours!), this movie is not without its charms.  As a James Bond aficionado, it's fun to see the series lampooned.  Personally, I thought David Niven's turn as a celibate Bond was clever, even if it wasn't very funny.  As I mentioned before, Peter Sellers and Woody Allen are entertaining, although Allen was criminally underused.  Many of the other scenes would have worked better if they were shorter, or if the vignettes were edited together as a united film.  But, for what it is, Casino Royale isn't terrible.  It's a product of its time, filled with clean-cut men, sexy women, surreal randomness, and painfully British humor.