The Prophecy

31 Days of Horror

Whoa!  A new Skid Row single?!?  What an ...awesomely odd way to get people to watch your movie...or buy your movie soundtrack...or whatever B-movies judge as a sign of success.  Because let's face it, The Prophecy is a B-movie.  If you look at the cast, or the fact that it has four sequels, you might think this was a fully fleshed-out piece of cinema.  It's not, but that doesn't mean this movie is bad, even though it has every right to be awful.

The plot to The Prophecy is a little tangled, thanks in part to some unfortunate storytelling choices.  Do you like prologues?  Good, because you're getting a double dose with The Prophecy!  The first is the voice-over from the angel Simon (Eric Stoltz), who explains that angels are fighting an epic battle for Heaven, and have been for some time.

Mistake #1: casting a soulless ginger as an angel

Okay, fine.  That explains the hot angel-on-angel action we see later in the film.  The movie then cuts to Thomas (Elias Koteas) preparing to take his final vows to join the Catholic priesthood, only for him to be struck by visions of angels fighting.  Flash forward a few years and Thomas has become a cop without faith; you would think having visions of angels would strengthen your convictions, but no, you go cop.  It's a natural progression.  Well, maybe we need this background information because Thomas is the main character in the film and he will be the one making The Prophecy.

"I saw it prophesied that Casey Jones would want his nipple tweaked by Aragorn"

Or maybe not.  The titular prophecy actually refers to a line in the 23rd chapter of The Book of Revelations, which doesn't exist in your average Gideon copy.  It tells of a second war in Heaven, where one side refuses to acknowledge God's elevation of man over His other creations.  How is that different than the first war in Heaven?  I'm not a Biblical scholar, so...timing?  Anyway, it has been prophesied that the soul of an evil man will be used as a powerful weapon in the war.  So Simon comes to Earth to hide the soul, while Gabriel (Christopher Walken) comes to Earth to weaponize it.  That sounds simple enough, right?  So...what does it have to do with Officer Thomas?  About as much as it has to do with a little girl and her schoolteacher, Katherine (Virginia Madsen).  Luckily, the script gives each character ample screen time, so that pesky straightforward Gabriel vs. Simon plot has plenty of time to simmer.

All I can think of now is Christopher Walken telling me repeatedly to "simmer down"

The reason why The Prophecy is an overachieving B-movie is because the script is awful, the special effects are poor, and the plot is a jumbled mess.  "So are the Transformers movies."  True, but somebody took the time to polish those turds; there is no layer of gloss to hide the shitty nature of The Prophecy.  What it does have in spades, though, is an improbably talented cast.  Elias Koteas might not be the sexiest option for a leading man role, but he's a solid character actor who can play policemen (or deranged criminals) in his sleep; as luck would have it, the movie fakes out viewers with Koteas as a leading role --- he's actually supporting, which is where he functions best.  Virginia Madsen's character makes even less sense as an interested party; I don't care how good of a teacher you are, there is a line in the sand where you do not court supernatural beatdowns over someone you are not related to/want to marry.  Madsen played her ridiculous character fairly straight (which emphasized how unlikely her choices were), but she managed to squeeze some terror and emotion from a pretty dull part.  Eric Stoltz might have played an angel, but that doesn't mean he gave up on being creepy.  His character kisses a dead man and an elementary schoolgirl on the mouth --- don't be dirty, it's only because he was sucking the soul out of one and putting in in the other --- and he still manages to act holier than thou, which is impressive.  Viggo Mortensen pops up for a few minutes as Lucifer and he was actually pretty excellent.  Do you realize how good you have to be to distract viewers from Walken hamming it up?  It's a tiny part, but Mortensen nailed it.  It is odd, though, that there are so many screencaps of Viggo in this movie if you do a Google image search, but almost none of the rest of this non-Walken cast.  Part of that has to do with the poor quality of the DVD print, I'm sure, but I was able to find multiple websites that break down Viggo's scenes by the second.  Why is that?

"The heir of Isildur has a fanbase"

Adam Goldberg clearly enjoyed his role of unwilling evil henchman, and he should have --- this is one of his more amusing early roles.  Amanda Plummer played a similar part, but was whinier, which was far less amusing.  None of that truly matters, though, because this is Christopher Walken's movie, and he owns it completely.  In the hands of almost any other actor, Gabriel would have been quite sinister, and Walken did have moments where he got worked up.

What Walken brought to the table was his trademark awkward charm and bizarre choices.  To give you an idea of how wide-ranging this character is, he describes a human soul as being "bigger than a breadbasket," but he also says this:

I'm an angel. I kill firstborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. I even, when I feel like it, rip the souls from little girls, and from now till kingdom come, the only thing you can count on in your existence is never understanding why. 

Any role that lets Christopher Walken monologue I am A-OK with.  It's also worth noting that Walken is on the top of his game here, as far as making inappropriate faces goes.  On the one hand, he's a great, scary villain.  On the other hand, he's absolutely hilarious to watch.  Really, if I can't get Walken in a movie with great dialogue, I at least want to be able to enjoy his oddness.

What would have made this scene better: Walken explaining to the audience why angels perch.

The Prophecy was written and directed by Gregory Widen, who you might remember as the writer of Highlander.  Knowing his history, you can safely assume that there is a solid core idea here, but the execution is lacking.  The Prophecy is Widen's only film directing credit to date, so a lot of the things you might take for granted with experienced directors --- editing, pacing, etc. --- are missing here.  From a technical standpoint, Widen only barely directed this movie; the only thing that keeps it watchable is the cast that is far too good for this film.  Surprisingly, Widen's writing was worse than his direction.  Even if you ignore the fact that he makes the hero angel --- as in, angel from Heaven --- seem kind of like a pedophile, there are still plenty of issues with this script.

"In Widen's defense, I only take roles where I can be creepy"

Let's say that you are the two normal human beings in this movie, okay?  Each of you has been independently following some truly unbelievable supernatural stuff over the last few days, and now you've found someone who has some of the missing pieces to your puzzle.  As you Scooby-Doo-Jinkies your way toward the truth of this plot, do you:

A) Comment on how weird this has all been
B) Freak the fuck out because, you know, angels are smiting folks
C) Calmly recap for each other and show plain-faced acceptance

A) could happen, but anyone who doesn't pick B) is lying to themselves.  Of course, The Prophecy picks C) because these characters obviously don't have anything resembling human emotions.  That isn't even one of the worse moments in the film; that was just extraordinarily unlikely.  There is a lot of inconsistency from scene to scene.  One angel dies one way, another dies another way.  Angels that can do fantastic things allow mere humans to engage them in fisticuffs, instead of lighting them on fire or turning them into salt (which would have been awesome).

"Fire is reserved for corpses making Christ poses"

Gabriel needs someone to drive him around, because he doesn't know how to operate cars, but at times it seems like he teleports.  So much of this script feels lazy, like it didn't get proof-read.  I love the core idea of angels doing battle on Earth, but does there have to be this level of stupidity?

How does it all stack up?  Does the relatively high quality of the cast, along with an opportunity for Christopher Walken to do whatever the hell he wanted in his scenes, make up for the amateurish script and direction?  I think so.  We're not talking about a movie with cool special effects or an intelligent idea that can distract an audience --- this is a movie that needs every character to be appealing if it is going to work.  The Prophecy succeeds more than it fails, thanks to its cast of angels (fallen or otherwise) and a few solid actors who were willing to play the straight parts.  It is certainly no masterpiece, but The Prophecy is far better than it has any right to be.

A Dangerous Method

The only reason I wanted to see A Dangerous Method is because it was made by David Cronenberg.  I don't know or care much about psychology.  I am liking Michael Fassbender's work so far, but Viggo Mortensen is pretty hit-and-miss for me and Keira Knightley generally stars in the film adaptations of books I never wanted to read.  Cronenberg, though, is always (in my experience) interesting as a filmmaker, at the very least.  I was a little hesitant to see A Dangerous Method, though.  I just had difficulty seeing the promise of a Cronenberg movie that was fenced in by actual historical figures and facts.  That practically guarantees a lack of head explosions, and what's the fun in that?

A Dangerous Method centers around Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender), one of the first and foremost trailblazers in psychoanalysis.  Young, married, and Fassbendery, Dr. Jung is at the cutting edge of his profession, back when Freud's ideas were still new and radical.  Jung took a particular interest in his patient Sabina Spielrein (Keira Knightley).  When she came to him, Sabina was defiant, afraid, and spastic.

And, apparently, born the same way as Uruk-Hai

In other words, she was a perfect test subject for psychoanalysis.  Jung is able to treat Sabina so that she no longer covers herself in feces and throws unreasonable tantrums.  Through the course of treatment, Jung learns quite a bit about Sabina; he learns that she is extremely intelligent, understands psychoanalysis, and has a spanking fetish.  While it may be hasty to call her "cured"...

Fingernail biting: the final obstacle to sanity

...Jung decided that Sabina was capable of living a normal life and encourages her to study to become a doctor, like him.  Around this time, Jung is invited to a meeting of the foremost minds in psychoanalysis, where he meets his idol, Sigmund Freud (Viggo Mortensen).  Freud recognizes Carl's brilliance and takes Jung under his wing, as his heir apparent.  Jung has his doubts about the absolute nature of Freud's theories --- is everything about sex? --- but keeps those thoughts to himself.

Like Freud's ridiculous "Beard Theory."  Pah!  Mustaches are the future!

As Jung's fame grows, so does Sabina's insight.  As a successful patient as well as a successful psychoanalyst, her thoughts are often clever and unique.  As she and Jung develop their professional relationship, however, it becomes apparent that Sabina is very attracted to Jung.  Obviously, this is a case of transference.  But what's a little transference between friends?

Spanky, spanky!

Their romantic relationship complicates things.  On a personal level, Jung has a wife whom he feels morally responsible for (and who is extremely wealthy), even if he does not share a deep connection with her.  He is magnetically attracted to Sabina, physically and intellectually, but he does not want to give her the love child she craves.  On a professional level, Sabina could easily make their relationship public knowledge and discredit Jung with the rest of Freud's faithful.  Jung's increasingly vocal criticisms of Freud's refusal to change his theories even a little also threatens his status as Freud's heir apparent.  Oh, Carl Jung --- you so crazy!

Relax --- it's just an expression

The acting in A Dangerous Method is quite good.  Viggo Mortensen, in particular, was both charming and compelling as Sigmund Freud.  Michael Fassbender gave an interesting performance as a cold, calculating man that could not deny his passion.  Keira Knightley, when she wasn't doing an impression of a mentally ill person, was good as a needy, manipulative temptress.

"I want you to word associate me so hard...!"

In the beginning of the film, though, Knightley's craziness was unintentionally funny.  I'm sure she did her research, and that Sabina Spielrein really did have some crazy spastic movements.  I'm just not 100% certain that the best way to convey that illness is jutting out your jaw, like it's trying to escape your face.  I will say that this is the best Tasmanian Devil impression I have seen on the big screen.  It was a complex role, and she nailed the dramatic parts --- she just seemed silly when she played "crazy."  Vincent Cassel was good as the intelligent (but unrepentantly lusty) Dr. Otto Gross, who provides one of the explanations for the film's title.  Cassel is at his best when he is doing dirty, dirty, things, and that's what Gross was all about.

Dr. Gross, with his 1 o'clock appointment

The only other cast member worth mentioning is Sarah Gadon, who played Mrs. Jung.  Hers was a small part, but she conveyed the repressed emotions of her character well.

David Cronenberg's direction in A Dangerous Method was not as impressive as the acting.  I genuinely liked how well he developed the characters and how the actors were directed.  However, it is up to the director to take that and make it into something compelling, if not simply entertaining.  Simply put, this is a dull movie.  The most dramatic moments come when characters are reading letters.  It is so boring, in fact, that the novelty of Fassbender and Knightley's bondage and spanking scenes barely breaks the monotony.  For the record, I have no problem (in theory) with a slow-paced film.

Dramatic pause and...now sip your tea

I do not, however, have much tolerance for being bored.  It is not the pacing that is at fault, though.  The larger problem of A Dangerous Method is the story focus.  The conflict between Jung and Freud was interesting, as was the forbidden romance of Carl and Sabina.  Unfortunately, this script split the story's focus between those two plots.  Either one could have made for a compelling film, but there isn't room for both to be represented equally.  Instead of a compelling drama about either relationship, we get what amounts to a Carl Jung biopic.  Biopics are not my favorite film genre, but if anyone can spice up the traditionally predictable biopic structure, it would be David Cronenberg.  He likes to make films with cool characters and unusual imagery, and that is exactly what is needed for an interesting biopic.  Instead, we get a haggard-looking Keira Knightley in an ill-fitting bodice.

Knightley is a size zero, so that makes her clothes...size -2?

While I believe that Michael Fassbender did a very good job as the subtle, reserved Carl Jung, he simply is not very compelling as a main character.  We don't see his actions as interesting or dynamic --- heck, we don't see him taking action.  There are just conversations, followed by letters, followed by reply letters, followed by conversations.  Period piece dramas don't have to be dull, but A Dangerous Method is not a movie I would use to prove that point.  Good acting can only take a movie so far without a plot that makes you care about the characters.

The Road

The Road is a movie that makes you think about other post-apocalyptic dramas and say to yourself, "You know, those other movies really seem lighthearted now."  It is one of the few movies that makes me consider Children of Men as a laugh riot.  In case you're having trouble judging my tone, I'll spell it out for you: DEPRESSING.

This shouldn't come as a surprise, considering the people involved with this movie.  The director, John Hillcoat, has done bleak in the past.  Viggo Mortensen doesn't usually take roles in romantic comedies (unless you count the end of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King).  The movie is adapted from the novel of the same name by Cormac McCarthy, author of No Country For Old Men, someone whose subject matter doesn't really lend itself to frivolity.

This is the story of a nameless man and son as they make their way across the remains of the United States, toward the sea.  Something has happened in the recent past (within the lifespan of the boy) that has ruined the world.  It is a dark, dirty, ashen post-apocalypse.  Crops have failed and animals are dead.  The only nourishment the father and son can find are occasional bugs or, if they're extremely luck, canned goods.  Ammunition is at a premium; the father has a revolver with two bullets, one for him and one for the boy.  Some people have resorted to cannibalism and scour the land in gangs.  Obviously, this tends to make the father suspicious of strangers.  Despite this logical animosity toward others, the two meet occasional strangers, including Robert Duvall and Michael K. Williams (best known for his awesome work as Omar in The Wire series).  Sometimes, they encounter a habitable house; sometimes, those houses are being used by cannibals to store their "cattle."  As they make their way cross country, the father begins coughing blood and knows his time will soon be up.

Sounds like fun, eh?  I have to say that I did not enjoy this film.  I also should point out that enjoyment was definitely not the goal here.  This film takes the Hollywood cliche of the post-apocalypse and makes it downright horrifying.  I am Legend was lonely, but had some cool moments (Oh, right...you don't want to hunt deer in NYC?  Liar!).  Mad Max had dozens of colorful characters.  28 Days Later had excitement and some little moments of joy sprinkled throughout.  The Road has survivors that have made it this far because they are stubborn.  They have no hope.  They have no friends.  The keep going because they don't want to stop.  Watching this is something of an endurance test, too.  Sometimes, a movie will take on a difficult, depressing subject, and the tone just doesn't match the subject matter.  That is not the case here.  The post-apocalypse will suck, and this film knows it.

This is a dark movie, and the cinematography matches the tone.  The lighting is dim (because it's permanently cloudy) and the camera takes in sweeping panoramas of dead wasteland.  If you're going to watch this, do it in the dark.  Everything looks painfully authentic here, including the actors.  Mortensen and Kodi Smit-McPhee (the son) both lost a lot of weight to appear this malnourished.  This might lose its impact as the film progressed, if it wasn't for the occasional flashback to the pre-apocalypse, which was full of color, electricity, a healthy Viggo and his late wife, played by Charlize Theron.  Those brief moments serve as a visual reminder of just how horrible the world the father and son occupy really is.

The acting here is top notch.  Viggo Mortensen does his best work when he doesn't have to speak much, and this is not a wordy movie.  He plays a tired, scared man that will go to any length to keep his son alive, and he looks like a man that has spent years living like that.  Kodi Smit-McPhee does a good job as the son, clearly living scared, but still trying to understand his father and others.  This movie avoids melodramatic father-son moments, but there are still a few touching scenes toward the end.  These two are on screen for almost the entire movie; the supporting cast is lucky to share the screen for more than two minutes.  Charlize Theron's character could have been glossed over to represent how great the past was, but she is shown as a woman, wife, mother and person in her few scenes.  She is sometimes happy, other times not.  It's a surprisingly varied role, given the limited screen time, and Theron does it justice.  Robert Duvall delivers an unsurprisingly great performance as an elderly survivor that looks like he is 300 years old.  Michael K. Williams and Guy Pearce both make the best of their bit parts, minute as they are.  There is no bad acting in this entire movie.

From a technical point of view, John Hillcoat did a fantastic job bringing this story to life.  The acting is very good, the cinematography is very good, the tone of the movie is very appropriate, and I think the film accomplished everything it set out to do.  And yet, I don't think I want to watch this movie again in the near future.  While I appreciate a lot of things here, I just can't get past how exhausting this movie is.  And I'm not sure you're supposed to.

Eastern Promises

Most films that deal with the mafia, in its various forms, tend to sensationalize it.  Sure, you usually end up dead by "lead poisoning," but the trip there looks pretty entertaining, right?  Not so much in this movie.  Maybe there is still a bit of Cold War stigma attached to the Russians, or maybe they're just scarier criminals than the traditional Italian movie mobsters.  Whatever the case, this film does not romanticize their lifestyle at all.

I wouldn't really categorize this as a mob movie, in the traditional sense.  Sure, there are mobsters, but that association of criminals is secondary to the fact that this is a crime film.  The movie begins with two deaths.  They seem to have no immediate connection, but as a dead girl's diary, a midwife, and a Russian mob family all become intertwined, the connection becomes clear.  This is a plot heavy film that demands attention, otherwise the suspense and the plot twists will be ineffective.  If you're willing to shut up and watch, though, you're in for a gritty treat.

Naomi Watts plays a midwife in Britain that attends to a teenage girl's delivery.  The girl dies, unknown and without identification, but the child survives.  Determined to get the baby to its family, Watts finds a diary, written in Russian, as the girl's sole belonging.  Her Russian immigrant uncle is unwilling to translate the diary, but Watts is able to find the name of a restaurant, so she goes there.  The restaurant is clearly the legitimate business front for a Russian mafia family, run by Armin Mueller-Stahl.  His son, played by Vincent Cassel, is ineffective and mean; Cassel's bodyguard and driver, Viggo Mortensen, is brutal and loyal.  At first, Mueller-Stahl feigns ignorance of the dead girl, but becomes very interested when Watts mentions a diary, written in Russian.  From this point forward, the plot begins to tighten its proverbial webs.  The characters seem claustrophobic as their options dwindle and violence becomes imminent.  Watts realizes the mistake she made, unwittingly going to the Russian mob, and sees how easily she, her family, or even the unwanted baby can be hurt by these men.  Vincent Cassel tries to please his father, but his brutality and stupidity shine through and his "heir apparent" status becomes questionable.  Viggo sees his loyalty and talents rewarded, but was unaware of the price he would be asked to pay.

I don't want to give away much about this movie because the drama comes from putting the pieces together yourself.  I will, however, point out one of the excellent choices this film makes.  You might expect the main characters, Viggo and Watts, to have a star-crossed romance here; in films where loyalty to an organization is paramount, the outside love interest is a common source of conflict.  Not so much here, although I will admit to some sexual tension.

The lack of romance makes this plot significantly less predictable and more awesome.  Director David Cronenberg does a great job throughout, both with the actors and the camera work.  Armin Mueller-Stahl is great as the godfather-type character; that description doesn't do the character justice, though.  This godfather is feared and is crafty.  He plays his cards close to the vest and plays people like chess pieces.  I think his best moment was when he appeared in Naomi Watts' hospital, just to show how easily he could enter a secure ward without a problem.  It's difficult to portray something as complex as a very dangerous man calmly restraining himself, but the menace is present in most of Mueller-Stahl's scenes.  Naomi Watts does a good job, too, although her main job is to realize just how deep of trouble she has gotten into.  It was nice to see a determined female lead that did not depend on a romantic interest to achieve her goals.  Vincent Cassel is fine here, which is a huge step above his Ocean's Twelve performance.  Viggo Mortensen, on the other hand, is extremely impressive.  His character design is just one of the reasons for this; Russian mobsters have their crimes and achievements displayed on their bodies with tattoos, and his collection makes him look pretty bad ass.  They were realistic, too; he went out for dinner after a day of shooting without having the makeup removed and noticed an Eastern European family fall silent in his presence.  Viggo does show off his man junk in this movie, but you'll notice that I pointed out the lack of romance (although not sex) in this film.  No, Viggo's nudity comes from an awesome (and, in all probability, eventually legendary) fight scene.  Normally, male nudity is used for uncomfortable humor in movies.  Here, it A) shows off the body art and B) makes Viggo seem all the tougher for taking on armed (and clothed) assassins in the buff.  While Mueller-Stahl's menace is restrained, Viggo's is vibrant.  You see the things he is willing to do without batting an eye, so when he speaks to Watts and her family, it makes his choice of words and actions sometimes frightening. 

I'll admit that I'm not a huge fan of anyone involved in this movie.  I can usually take or leave Viggo; sure, Lord of the Rings is great, but Hidalgo?  Really?  That's your follow-up?  Vincent Cassel has earned my lifelong ire for being one of two elements that made Ocean's Twelve absolutely unwatchable.  Naomi Watts is okay, I guess, but I'm not used to her not screaming.  David Cronenberg has made some great movies, but some of his work is just too weird (Naked Lunch) or too creepy-James-Spader-y (Crash) for my tastes.  This movie rises above all that to make, at worst, a solid crime flick.  Obviously, my take is a little better than an "at worst."  Not a simple movie, but not a difficult one to understand, I like just about everything in this film.