Hopscotch

When I think of spy movies, I'll be honest with you...spying isn't the first thing that comes to mind.  Instead, I imagine lots of action, witty banter, and beautiful (but dangerous) women.  Basically, I think of James Bond.  There are movies that actually deal with the whole spying part of being a spy, but they're relatively rare and usually pretty dramatic.  Hopscotch, aside from being a pretty horrible title for anything, especially a spy movie, is unusual because it is a spy movie about spies doing their spy stuff, but has almost no gunplay, little excitement, and isn't very dramatic.  In its defense, though, I don't think I want to see Walter Matthau as a James Bond-ish character.

Miles Kendig (Walter Matthau) is one of the best field agents the CIA has in the Cold War.  He's not particularly daring or dangerous (he doesn't even carry a weapon), but he's smart and uses logic and his wits to win the day.  On a mission in Munich, Kendig manages to foil a microfilm exchange, preventing it from entering Communist East Berlin.  Since he's unarmed, how does he foil anything?  Well, this time, he waits for the exchange and photographs the entire act, intercepts the Soviet agent, Yaskov (Herbert Lom), and threatens to publish the photos and embarrass/expose Yaskov.  The Russian follows the logic and hands the film over, with no blood spilled.  When Kendig arrvives back in Washington, his loud-mouthed, bureaucratic boss, Myerson (Ned Beatty), blows a gasket.  How could Kendig not kill, or at least apprehend, Yaskov?  Kendig gives him the old "devil you know" argument (which, from my readings, seems to be about right for the Cold War in Europe), but Myerson will have none of it.  He takes Kendig out of the field and assigns him to file clerk duty, presumably for the rest of his career.

What a downer ending.  Oh, wait...we're only about ten minutes into the film.  Instead of going meekly into the filing world, Kendig opts to quit the CIA and publish his memoirs, airing out the dirty laundry of both the CIA and the KGB.  That would be dangerous under normal circumstances, but Kendig also decides to mail each chapter of the book, as he writes them, to all the major intelligence agencies in the world.  Myerson has two choices; he can either admit that Kendig has made a fool out of him, or have him killed.  He opts for the latter.  So, Kendig is just goofing around, publishing his book little by little and having fun outwitting his fellow spies, but their intentions are deadly serious.  There's only one way this can end, you know.

Because I know how the notion of Walter Matthau as a sexy spy gets you in the mood.

Hopscotch is based on the book of the same name by Brian Garfield, the author of Death Wish.  Apparently, this Garfield can offer variety.  Too bad the cat can't say the same.  I like the story just fine, but it's not quite of any particular genre.  It's not nearly serious enough to be a drama, but it's barely smirk-worthy, so it's not a comedy.  The plot could make a great thriller, but it's not thrilling at all.  What is this movie?  It's like a lighthearted version of Spy Game, or even Three Days of the Condor.  It's breezy in tone, but (almost) never silly or frivolous.  It's just an odd duck.

If Hopscotch was an animal, it would be a confusing one.

The acting in the film is fine, but most of the cast underperforms, due to the script.  I will admit that it was nice to see a fairly young-looking Sam Waterston in this movie; he plays Kendig's protege, who is tasked with outwitting his mentor.  He doesn't actually do a whole lot, but it was interesting seeing him outside of a Law and Order setting again.  Two-time Academy Award winner and current British politician (almost twenty straight years in Parliament!) Glenda Jackson plays Matthau's love interest and, as always, I find it hard to believe it when any actress feigns attraction to Matthau; I will admit that their romance, at the very least, is age-appropriate.  Jackson does a pretty good job parrying Matthau's wordplay, but she is capable of a lot more.  Ned Beatty does a good job being unlikable in this movie; he, too, can play much more interesting characters, but he plays the one note that he's given pretty well.  I thought Herbert Lom was the only supporting character that did an all-around good job; I've always liked the idea of enemy spies being friends, and I thought Lom pulled it off quite convincingly.

The success or failure of the movie, though, depends entirely on Walter Matthau.  The supporting actors didn't have much to work with.  Director Ronald Neame shows absolutely no intention of adding suspense or action to the film.  So, it's up to Walter.  And I was surprised at how appealing I found him.  This isn't a game-changing role for Matthau; he plays a smart guy, but his general attitude is about the same here as it is in so many of his movies.  His portrayal of Kendig isn't very funny, but he does convey a sense of mischief, and that was pretty endearing.  If I was going to judge the film on his character alone, I would say that this is a pretty enjoyable film.

Unfortunately, there is more to the movie than Matthau.  He prevents it from being a bad movie, but the screenplay itself is inadequate and I don't think it could have ever been good.  Still, Matthau is definitely likable throughout the movie, and the rest of the cast play their parts well.  It's not a great movie, it's not a bad movie, it's just...meaningless fluff.

And, for your enjoyment, here is Walter Matthau absolutely not being offensive.

Grumpy Old Men

The elderly are adorable!  They're not even people, they're like little pets, I want to just pinch their cheeks so badly!  At least, I do when they are foul-mouthed curmudgeons.  Grumpy Old Men is very much a movie about your favorite old person (or, if you're old, your favorite you).  You might see how the story ends a mile off, but it's a fun viewing because it's so pleasantly comfortable.

John Gustafson (Jack Lemmon) and Max Goldman (Walter Matthau) are neighbors and competitors in a never-ending battle of petty jokes and pranks.  Anyone else would admit that they are actually best friends --- they go to all the same places and do all the same things --- but these two have an imaginary grudge from years ago, and "Hello, dickhead" is as friendly as they get.  Actually, these two pay closer attention to each other than ordinary friends do; they either accompany each other around town, or peer through their window shades to see what the other is doing.  That rivalry heats up when a new neighbor moves in across the street.  Ariel (Ann-Margret) is exotic in this small, icebound town; she is not only in their age group and still attractive, she is from California and has all sorts of weird possessions and hobbies.  Ariel introduces herself to the townsfolk by going on an informal date with (seemingly) the town's entire senior citizen class.  That means John and Max are in direct competition for the last hottie either of them will ever have a chance with.  "Hello, dickhead" is starting to sound downright inviting.

The story of Grumpy Old Men is not fantastic or complicated.  It's really nothing special at all, except with the inclusion of ice fishing, something you rarely see in films because it's even more boring than regular fishing.  There are subplots and complications, secrets and reveals, but this story is just an excuse to see two old men insult each other for 100 minutes.

That's not a bad thing, mind you, but its effectiveness definitely depends on the cast.  Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau are both wonderful in this movie.  Their interactions are so natural and so nuanced, but the insults creative; their chemistry makes it feel like you're not watching a movie, but the dialogue is witty enough to remind you that this had to have been written down at some point.  It feels like director Donald Petrie didn't even have to direct his stars, just let them loose.  The nice thing about this movie is that both Lemmon and Matthau have opportunities to show the depth of their characters, so they're not just insult machines, like the Friar's Club roastmasters.  Most of the noteworthy supporting cast was fine (Kevin Pollack, Daryl Hannah, and Ossie Davis), but their roles had limited impact on the quality of the film as a whole.  Anne-Margret did a pretty good job, although I'm still not sure about some of her character's choices; name one old person that moved from a warm climate to ice fishing territory and didn't have family nearby.  And she dates Matthau?  Isn't he a little out of her league?  Burgess Meredith, in his small supporting role as John's father, is what bumps this movie up from "pleasant" into "funny."  With the rest of the cast, this is an above-average comedy, but Meredith is hilarious and improves the entire movie.

No, Grumpy Old Men is not revolutionary or unexpected.  It's comfortable and engaging and sweet.  And Burgess Meredith is amazing.  In a drama, I would care more about the story, but this is a comedy with three old men saying some pretty funny things that only the elderly can get away with.  It's interesting to think how much less funny this movie would have been with the same cast, only twenty years younger.  This is one of the only Hollywood movies that requires its actors to age gracelessly, and they do it well.

The Odd Couple

Films adapted from plays can have difficulties during the creative process.  Unlike adaptations of literature, comic books, comic strips, or legends, plays usually do not suffer from an oversimplification or over-condensation of material; plays typically run about as long as feature films do.  You can usually spot a former play by the sharp dialogue, the absence of complicated action sequences, and the large number of scenes that feature only one or two characters.  Some of my favorite films have been adapted from plays (I love me some Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?), but I recognize that some things that work on the stage do not work on film.  For instance, on stage, it is necessary to make broad gestures and speak loudly so the audience can hear and see what is happening; with the intimacy of movie cameras, films can be much more intimate and subtle.  Sometimes, the screenplays for these adaptations take that subtlety into account.  Sometimes, they don't.

The Odd Couple begins with Felix Ungar (Jack Lemmon) renting a room at a sleazy hotel.  He planned to commit suicide by jumping out of his hotel room window because his wife has left him.  It is not Felix's day, though; his window was jammed and he threw his back out, trying to open it.  He even failed to drink the pain away afterward, hurting his neck when downing a shot of liquor.  Felix then hobbled toward a bridge to contemplate suicide again.  I would like to take the time to point out that this is, in fact, a comedy (ranking #17 in AFI's 100 Years...100 Laughs list) that opens with physical humor and the foibles of a suicidal person.  I'm not judging (yet), but I thought I'd throw that idea out there.

Meanwhile, Felix is missed by his buddies at their weekly poker game.  Felix is never late, so the group (including classic character actors John Fiedler and Herb Edelman) is mildly bewildered by his tardiness.  That bewilderment turns to pronounced concern when the host, Oscar  Madison (Walter Matthau), gets a call from his ex-wife, telling him the news of the Ungar's breakup.  Oscar and the boys immediately worry that Felix will attempt suicide; I guess his friends knew him well.  Before anyone can take action, Felix arrives at Oscar's for the poker game.  He eventually breaks down and tells them his troubles, and Oscar decides to offer Felix a room in his eight bedroom (***mouth agape***) New York City apartment (***jaw now on the floor, completely detached from face***) to stay in until he can overcome his suicidal tendencies.  You would think that two poker buddies would get along just fine in an apartment that size; even if somebody's annoying, you can just take up residence in the Northern wing.  Apparently, though, there is a small hitch.  Oscar is a slovenly person, while Felix is an obsessively tidy person.  What kind of crazy hijinks will these kids get into?  Well, if you're not guffawing at the mere thought of such an unlikely pair living together...well, tough --- that's where all of the humor in this movie stems from.

The Odd Couple is a notable comedy or many reasons.  It was nominated for two Oscars (one for writing, the other for editing), which is extremely rare for comedies.  It helps that the screenplay was written by Neil Simon, who wrote the Tony Award-winning play.  Walter Matthau starred in the play as well as the movie; this was his first comedic role in a film.  This was also the first collaboration between Matthau and Jack Lemmon, one of the most famous pairs in film history.  Even without the AFI ranking, this is generally regarded as a comedy classic.

I just wish I liked it more.  I appreciate a lot of the things this film does well, though.  The acting is well-suited for the script.  Matthau is very entertaining and Lemmon plays his part well; together, their banter is a great example of timing and chemistry.  The supporting cast is universally solid or better; I particularly liked Monica Evans and Carole Shelley as the feather-brained Pigeon sisters.  The direction must be pretty good from habitual stage director George Saks; if it wasn't good, then I doubt that Lemmon and Matthau would have worked so well together.

If all that is good, what could I possibly have a problem with?  I'm not sure.  I think it's the script.  I'm pretty familiar with Neil Simon's plays; he writes bickering friends like no other playwright, so this is obviously one of his seminal works.  I just don't like a lot of what he wrote here.  I find Felix's character utterly obnoxious.  I understand that is the point, but this isn't like other movies with buffoonish characters --- I have an active dislike for Felix Ungar.  I think Lemmon played the part perfectly for the way it is written, but his performance comes across as less subtle than a Jerry Lewis comedy and hammier than Christmas dinner.  For the first two-thirds of the movie, I not only completely sympathized with Oscar's character, but I was rooting for another suicide attempt.  I guess my problem is that the script is so one-sided.  You're rooting for Oscar, despite all the good things that Felix does because Felix's character is really, really annoying.  If that was evened out, so that Oscar's slovenly ways could be shown as truly disgusting instead of just messy, I think Felix's character would seem like less of a cartoon character.

Part of my problem might be overexposure.  While this is the first time I watched this film, it has spawned a sequel, two television shows, one animated show, and a female version of the play, all while the original play has been produced and reproduced several times over.  The idea of the tidy Felix and Oscar the slob has become omnipresent in our culture to the point that if you say that a pair is an "odd couple," thoughts immediately jump to these characters.  Then again, maybe I didn't really like this movie because my thoughts on humor are a little odd.

I mentioned that the first two-thirds of the movie were painful for me to watch; I have to admit that I enjoyed the last third.  Starting from approximately the confrontation in Oscar's bedroom (the "F.U." line is fantastic), I really got into the movie.  I liked when the two men were ripping into each other.  I liked the scene with the Pigeon sisters even more, because it highlighted the differences between the two men much better than the obvious gags and overacting from earlier in the film did.  This movie even manages to have a touching ending, which is beyond rare in comedies.  So, despite digging itself into a deep hole, The Odd Couple came back and I actually enjoyed the last bit very much.

The Bad News Bears

When I sat down recently to watch The Bad News Bears for the first time, I thought I knew what I was in for.  The premise is pretty familiar by now.  A somewhat unwilling coach, Morris Buttermaker (Walter Matthau), is pegged to manage a little league team.  He takes the job from a city council member because he needs money and because baseball is all he's ever been good at.  Buttermaker is a washed up minor league pitcher that now spends his time drinking beer and bourbon...sometimes in the same beer can.  The team is wretched beyond belief.  Not only do they have the smallest and weakest kids in the league, but they also have the only Mexican or black kids, too.  Gasp.  I would like to point out that it's nice to see ethnic kids not being stereotyped as awesome athletes, but the movie's not trying to be progressive.  Not surprisingly, the team (The Bears) lose their first few games horribly.  The team can't  do anything right and they call Buttermaker out for not caring.  Fair enough.

That gets him to care a little and he recruits a ringer, the daughter of an ex-girlfriend.  "Aww, she's a girl!"  Yes, and she's the team's best player.  Amanda (Tatum O'Neal) is a great pitcher, and the team becomes competitive quickly.  But, like all misfit teams, they need one more wild card to win.  Enter Kelly (Jackie Earle Haley), the local bad boy that also just happens to be the most gifted natural player around.  He's too naughty to play for any of the rich kids' teams, so he just hangs out and makes fun of them until Amanda convinces him to join The Bears.  From there, the team gets all the way to the championship, but they soon ask themselves the question: do they want to have fun, or do they want to win?

At the time, this movie was most notable for its innovative use of child profanity.  In one of the more memorable quotes, the team loudmouth characterizes his teammates as "a bunch of Jews, spics, niggers, pansies, and a booger-eating moron."  While that would be kind of offensive today, I imagine that it was more shocking 30+ years ago.  Even those that are turned off by the racist terms and the swearing should be able to see that they were used for comedic purposes.  I don't know if that makes it better, but at least it makes them intentionally funny.

The performances are alright, I guess, for a movie filled with child actors.  Most of the cast does only one thing at a time, so they aren't too bad.  I guess director Michael Ritchie knew enough about children to keep them doing what they are good at.  "You're nerdy?  Let's get you some glasses and you can act nervous.  You're a smart ass?  Let's get you some dialogue, etc., etc."  Unsurprisingly, Tatum O'Neal (who won her Oscar three years before) is very good; it is fun watching her trying to out-tough or out-indifferent Matthau, and she does a good job in her romantic scenes with Haley.  Jackie Earle Haley was a bit of surprise for me; I thought he was really good here, but his career didn't really take off for another thirty years.  Walter Matthau, of course, is the best part of this movie.  He's always entertaining, but especially so when he's playing a prickly character.  Here, he gets to play an alcoholic for laughs and still ends up on moral high ground.

There are a lot of parts in this movie that wouldn't be included nowadays.  I haven't seen the remake, but I'm pretty sure the scene where Buttermakerdrives a car full of kids around town (without seat belts) while obviously hammered isn't included.  The swearing isn't too bad really (and it reminds me of elementary school), but it's pretty rare to see a family movie have kids swearing, even for laughs.  Another thing that is commonplace in real life and present in this film, but is rare in movies: adults obviously lying to children and getting away with it.  That's probably not a bad thing, but I'm just saying...More importantly, though, this movie is not overly saccharine, something that just doesn't happen in modern movies for kids.

The premise of this film is pretty commonplace by now, but it was pretty fresh in 1976.  What I liked about this movie, more than any of its successors and sequels, is its honesty.  You can predict how most sports movies end within the first ten minutes you watch them.  This story doesn't just follow the team's narrative, but the player's emotional arcs as well.  This isn't a particularly deep movie, but it has a message and it has fun getting it across.