The lead in this movie is Korean pop star Rain, known for his brief time as Stephen Colbert's nemesis
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|Stephen vs. Rain|
What? You want a plot? It's called Ninja Assassin! What do you expect, a script by a Hugo Award winner? Well, that's what you get from two-time winner and top-tier comic book writer J. Michael Straczynski. Apparently, JMS opted to forget about his writing history when co-writing this script, but it does have about half of the movie (45 minutes) devoted to plot development. Apparently, ninja clans kidnap orphans and raise them to be ninjas. Training to be a ninja isn't much fun. Frowny face emoticon! In some states, it might even border on child abuse. Rain decides to rebel, which means killing his entire clan. Of course it does. There are some British people that act as point of view characters, but they are ultimately disposable. Unfortunately, they manage to get the British military involved, so there is a scene where ninjas fight tanks and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare-esque ground troops without the benefit of shadows. That sucks. But it's the only action scene that doesn't fully deliver.
What do you get with this movie? About 45 minutes or so of super violent death and dismemberment. Sure, there's a plot, but it's not important. Go make some popcorn or go on a beer run (just don't leave until the first scene is over). By the time you're done, things will be just about ready to rock. Sure, they needlessly lengthen the movie by shoehorning a plot into it, but this is a film that knows exactly what it is (Hollywood pitch: "Ninjas kill stuff --- the movie!") and delivers with a smile. I just wish the whole movie was as totally awesome as the opening scene.