It is Spring Break and the tourist town of Lake Victoria is overflowing with drunken co-eds. The local sheriff, Julie Forrester (Elizabeth Shue), and her deputy, Fallon (Ving Rhames), are trying their best to keep the annual chaos to a manageable minimum. Since this is such a busy week for Julie, she forces her college-age son, Jake (Steven R. McQueen, grandson of Steve McQueen), to baby-sit his younger brother and sister instead of partying. That's too bad, too, because the girl he totally has the hots for, Kelly (Jessica Szohr), is back in town and is hanging out with a bunch of jerkwads. Life is tough sometimes. Jake stumbles into some luck, though; he casually meets Derrick (Jerry O'Connell), the man behind the
A quick side note on Kelly's character. She first shows up in the movie with a douchey boyfriend in tow, who (of course) picks on Jake for no reason. She then runs into Jake as he is about to board the
It should come as no surprise that the acting in Piranha (2010) is not fabulous. The cast is surprisingly noteworthy, though. Elizabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd, Adam Scott, Paul Scheer, Ricardo Chavira and Jerry O'Connell all damage their reputations by working in this film. I'll give the young actors a pass, because work is work, but those established actors should have known better. The movie also has famous nude model Kelly Brook in a main role, as well as porn stars Riley Steele, Gianna Michaels, and Ashlynn Brooke in small (and, not surprisingly, boobtastic) parts. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on the actors for being in this movie, really. B-movies are meant to be silly and fun, for actors as well as audiences. With that perspective, Jerry O'Connell and Adam Scott turned in shockingly competent/quality-appropriate performances, with Ving Rhames occasionally deciding to overact in between bouts of sleepwalking through scenes. Shue plays everything pretty straight as the main character; personally, I think that was the wrong angle to take, but I've seen worse. Eli Roth also had a decent small part, but he was definitely aware of the quality of the movie and his acting.
|These piranhas are extra dangerous, because they look like humans!|
|You tell 'em, Uncle Pennybags!|
- CGI effects that were only marginally better than SyFy's (far more amusing) rip-off, Mega Piranha
- The film was edited by "Baxter." No last name needed
- From a cause and effect standpoint, earthquakes cause piranhas
- Okay, imagine you are a teenage boy, living at home and looking at porn on his computer. Picture it clearly in your mind. Now...did anyone imagine having their computer screen clearly visible from their doorway for Mom to see when she walks in? Or did anyone leave the door unlocked? Amateurs.
- Stupid effing little kids
- The first thing the Wild Wild Girls people know about Jake is that he is seventeen, and they invite him for a day of drinking, drugs, and slut banging?
- Big breasted women can hold their breath for up to five minutes, as long as they are fondling each other underwater
- Whenever the camera takes on an underwater POV perspective, it is always to fake you out. Piranhas get their own special "piranha view" shots to let you know they are coming
- Piranhas that have spent two million years in dark seclusion still have large eyes that can see
- There is visible light in the subterranean lake
- Most of the scenes from the previews are not in the final movie
- ...and many more!
|Nope. Not in the movie.|
But, even when you factor all that in, this movie just isn't stupid enough to be awesome and fun. Consider this: the best death in the whole movie (Eli Roth's) was not piranha-related. The second-best death had a girl getting her hair caught in a propeller and getting her face ripped off, which was also not piranha-related. Heck, most of the piranha attack victims looked like they had been scratched by a large cat or had acid spilled on them. Silly me, I thought they were supposed to look like they had the flesh eaten off of their bodies. The script was dumb, and some of the characters were campy, but --- and I can't believe that I'm writing this --- it needed to be so much dumber and campier to work for me. This is stupid-bad, not so-bad-it's-good. So, even though it was being deliberately bad, it wasn't bad enough to be enjoyable. On the plus side, though, boobs and gore.