"I'm untouchable, bitch"?!? After opening and closing a garage door as an intimidation tactic? Most bad movies at least try to look cool in their trailers, but this one...this had to be a gem.
Drew Peterson: Untouchable opens with a scene you've probably seen dozens of times before. Drew (Rob Lowe), fresh from sexing up his wife, Kathleen (Cara Buono), gets out of bed when one of his sons wants something; Drew doesn't see the need to be modest, though, and gives his young son quite the gander at his package. When Kathleen protests, Drew's response is "He has a right to know why they call me Big Daddy." Wait...what? Who would...why should...ow, that hurt my brain. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
|Yeah, that was my reaction, too.|
|"I'm untouchable, bitch"|
|"Ding dong, the witch is dead! Which old witch? The one I stabbed!"|
Okay, wow. Drew Peterson: Untouchable is shockingly bad. I mean, when you sit down to watch this, you know it's not going to be good, but geez! Surprisingly, the acting isn't too awful. While I still can't get over the fact that they cast a famous actor known for being handsome as Peterson, I will admit that Rob Lowe was very committed in this performance.
|It's like the movie Twins!|
|This is also how she reacts to the Weather Channel|
Director Mikael Salomon obviously had a difficult task in making Drew Peterson: Untouchable. Sure, it certainly seems like Drew murdered two consecutive wives and then bathed in the public attention he received in the media shitstorm that followed. But Peterson still hasn't been convicted of those crimes (yet). That means that the movie can't actually show Peterson killing anyone. With that significant hurdle to overcome, I think Salomon did a moderately decent job. The acting didn't exactly "wow," but the story was comprehensible. I don't know why Salomon included the bookend "look at my penis" scenes (yes, the film abruptly closes with another one), but aside from that, this was done with mild competence.
|Surprisingly, no penis in this scene|
But Lifetime movies are not meant to actually be good, are they? The big question is whether Drew Peterson: Untouchable is bad enough to be good. Not without help, it isn't. Even if you're in the mood to laugh and with a few smart-assed friends, this is not a picture you should experience sober. Try making a drinking game out of it; my wife suggested drinking whenever you hear the words "wife," "Drew," or maybe any time Drew pulls a douche move.
|Get ready to drink...!|