Endless Night

I have no idea what scene this is from

Watching The Mirror Crack'd this Fall stirred a long-dormant movie appetite for me.  While that movie wasn't great, it reminded me how much I enjoy a good mystery.  It also reminded me how few Agatha Christie film adaptations I've watched.  While scanning through Netflix's instant queue, I stumbled across Endless Night, a movie I've never heard of based on a Christie book I have never read.  I figured that a story I was unfamiliar with would keep the mystery intact longer ---and I was right --- but that does not necessarily mean that you should go into this film with the same amount of foreknowledge I had.

Michael (Hywel Bennett) is a bit of a loser.  He holds random jobs for a few weeks at a time, but inevitably walks out or gets fired.  He's a bit of a dreamer, and he dreams of life as a very wealthy man.  While working as a chauffeur, Michael befriends a world-class architect, the peculiar-looking Santonix (Per Oscarsson), and the two idly come up with some grand plans for a fabulous home (which Michael could never afford) on Michael 's favorite piece of real estate (which Michael will never own).

Architect or cubist Picasso inspiration?  You decide

One day, as Michael visits the plot of land he loves so much, called Gypsy's Acre by the locals, he accidentally meets a very sweet girl, Ellie (Haley Mills).  The two quickly fall in love, but it turns out that Ellie is one of the wealthiest people in England.  Amazingly, that inconvenience does not prevent Michael from marrying her.

Michael, having the tough news broken to him

The two marry, despite disapproval from Ellie's family, and have Santonix build them a modern home on Gypsy's Acre.  Then the real problems begin.  One of the locals, whose family once owned Gypsy's Acre, appears to be trying to creep the new couple off the land; she doesn't do much except stare at their house, but according to a reliable source, you shouldn't trust gypsies to do no harm.  On top of that, Michael has to deal with Ellie's overbearing family, who are all too aware that he is now heir to a fortune that was once theirs.  To make matters even more awkward, Ellie invites her best friend/hired companion, the gorgeous Greta (Britt Ekland), to live in their new home. 

Yeah, I'd hate to have her live with me

To recap, Michael has gone from a poor schlub with no prospects to a happily married man that is ridiculously wealthy, living his dream and his biggest problems are bitter old women giving him a hard time.  Life is tough sometimes.  However, the story is told in flashback by Michael and parts of it have nightmarish undertones.  What could have happened that made Michael dream of this image in this odd hue?

Please please please let Beetlejuice be responsible

I was never a big fan of Haley Mills as a child actress, but she's a little better than I expected in Endless Night.  Her character is very sweet and innocent, but I was surprised to not find her annoying.  Well, not too annoying.  On an amusing note, when Haley sings, her voice was dubbed over by Shirley Jones; so, when you see the scene and think "Gee, her lips and throat don't quite match the operatic voice in this scene," you are absolutely correct.  When I have to start by praising the mediocre talent of a former Disney star, you can tell that the acting is not great.  Specifically, Hywel Bennett was consistently awful.  The script has a few opportunities for Michael to seem sympathetic or likable, but Bennett manages to deadpan his way through every chance he got.  I understand that he needs to be a little mysterious for the mystery at the story's center, but there's a big difference between being bland and reserved.  Britt Ekland was also horrid.  Ekland isn't typically in films for her acting talent, but she really shouldn't be asked to cry on cue; her "acting" made me wince on multiple occasions.  George Sanders was fine, but sorely underused as the only cast member that understood the concept of subtlety.  On the bright side, this was the first time I saw Lois Maxwell outside of a James Bond film; all she does is give Michael the cold shoulder, but it showed more range than I thought her capable of.

Miss Moneypenny disapproves

Endless Night was directed and adapted for the screen by Sidney Gillat.  Gillat had a long career, primarily as a writer (including a few early Hitchcock films, like The Lady Vanishes), but if this is a representative example of his directorial skills, he should have stuck with his typewriter.  I will admit that a decent amount of the problem with Endless Night is Christie's source novel --- it focused on psychology instead of mystery --- but Gillat did absolutely nothing to save the concept.  Michael is the narrator, and it is clear that he is an unreliable narrator; Gillat could have run with that idea, having Michael reconstruct scenes when he is caught narrating a lie, forcing the audience to wonder how much of this story actually happened.  That's not the route Gillat goes.  Instead, Michael just bookends the story in a very loose way.  Even worse, the introductory bookend was wretched; coming across as hilariously melodramatic and just plain goofy.  Of course, as director, you can also blame Gillat for getting such wooden performances from his cast, too. 

"You want us to...act?!?"

There are some technical flaws that I noticed, too, with the most notable being the alleged night scene --- where Ellie wakes from a deep sleep only moments after Michael got up and decides to follow him outside, just like any married couple would ***eye roll***--- that was clearly filmed during the daytime and then artificially darkened.  My least favorite aspect of this film was how dull the reveal is.  Yes, Gillat made sure to not explicitly hint at the secret before the plot twist, but it was neither shocking nor entertaining.  He failed to build an ounce of suspense.

He did, however, build an ugly house for this movie

Even with poor direction and embarrassing acting, Endless Night could have stood out for its twist/reveal/mystery.  Had Gillat fostered the notion of Michael as an unreliable narrator, the reveal toward the end could have been fairly cool.  Instead, it seems less the work of a dastardly genius and more like a sitcom plot.  Bad story, bad acting and a lame twist lead to a bad movie.  On the other hand, there is a certain amount of kitsch value to a film with such a ridiculous house, a scene where Haley Mills has no face, and Britt Ekland has the least convincing crying-changing-into-laughter scene ever.  This is definitely a bad movie that has aged poorly, but you can laugh at it for a small bit of enjoyment.

The Wicker Man (1973)

Sergent Howie (Edward Woodward, who without the "ward" becomes a terrible director), a police officer from mainland Scotland, has received an anonymous letter urging him to investigate the disappearance of young Rowan Morrison from her home on the remote Scottish island of Summerisle.  Howie flies a seaplane to the island and begins to poke around, but finds himself stonewalled at every turn.  The locals feign ignorance of the girl, her mother doesn't acknowledge Rowan's existence; all Howie gets for his efforts is frustration.

Not a clue

Even more frustrating for the strict Christian Howie is the fact that the island's people are obviously pagan.  As he wanders about town, he finds schoolchildren singing songs about sex, schoolgirls reciting the importance of the phallus in their culture, and a group of couples openly "doing it" outdoors.  When Howie eventually meets with Lord Summerilse (Christopher Lee), he declares that Rowan was most likely murdered as a sacrifice to the island's pagan gods.  That's pretty nasty if he's right, but there is something even more sinister happening on Summerisle.

Do these people look like they have something to hide?

That plot doesn't sound like much of a horror movie, does it?  The Wicker Man is an odd hybrid of genres (suspense/thriller, musical, and horror) that sound like they shouldn't gel properly, but are surprisingly effective when combined.  This won't knock Willy Wonka from the top of your "favorite musicals" list (it is on top, right?), but the folk stylings of the soundtrack provide some interesting moments that supplement the plot.

Example: Britt Ekland beating a wall and slapping her ass in the nude to music

As for the other elements, the film handles them in turn.  The horror does not become apparent until the very end, but the suspense is effective at a slow boil.

The acting in The Wicker Man is pretty solid, but most of the cast is forced by the plot to remain fairly impassive.  Edward Woodward was fine in the lead.  It's one thing to play a cop as Sgt. Killjoy, interrupting festivities and generally trying to play the part of a disapproving father figure, but Woodward was also able to lace his performance with an increasing degree of desperation.  Sometimes, it's the little additions that make all the difference.  Christopher Lee plays Woodward's opposite with relish, charisma, and the male equivalent of a bouffant. 

I generally like Lee for being such a good villain --- his voice alone is usually enough to make him watchable --- but this is definitely one of my favorite performances by him.  Lee isn't in much of the movie, but his presence makes all the difference.  Plus, he prances around while dressed as an ugly woman.  Bonus!  The only other noteworthy actors are a bevy of busty women.  Britt Ekland stands out the most, as she is given the most screen time as Sgt. Howie's would-be seducer and has a prominent nude scene (although the full-body shots were a body double, since Ekland had recently become pregnant).  Ekland is halfway decent here, but her talent still lies primarily with her body.  Diane Cilento was definitely the best actress in the film as the schoolteacher.  Hers is not a very large role, but she gets a little extra time as one of the characters that tries to explain the island's religion to Howie; she comes across as clever and earnest, although obviously hiding something.  Horror veteran Ingrid Pitt also has a small role as a sexy librarian.  She doesn't do much in her bit role, but I liked her.  Maybe it was the hair.

Pitt, about to record a message with her droid

This was director Robin Hardy's first effort behind the camera, and it would be his only directing credit for more than fifteen years.  I don't know why --- I thought he did a very good job.  The version I watched was the theatrical one, which is nine minutes shorter than the difficult to find special edition, but I still enjoyed the film and his direction.  The movie takes place mostly during the daytime, which is unusual for any horror or thriller movie.  Something sinister is obviously going on, but it is not hiding in the shadows, but in plain sight.  It was an interesting choice to include so many songs in the film, but they are handled pretty well; most of the songs provide interesting insights into the culture on the island.  There are a few stinkers in the soundtrack, but it is, for the most part, likable enough.  The best work Hardy does is with the pacing of the film.  He builds up the tension slowly, and it only feels like a horror movie when the mystery is revealed and the ending becomes apparent.  It's hard to make a good mystery and it's even more difficult to make a good horror movie --- Hardy did both at the same time, while avoiding just about every genre cliche in the book.

The terrible truth: Lee needs more hair product

The Wicker Man is definitely a bizarre film, though.  The tone is very atypical and there are more than a few moments that lean dangerously close to camp.  Luckily, the suspense is assembled effectively enough to keep most people from laughing at the more ridiculous scenes.

Oddly not humorous, in context

As much as I admire this film for being so different, that also makes it an acquired taste.  I bought this DVD about three years ago, and had never gotten around to watching it a second time.  Sure, I like the film, but it is so damn odd that I never felt like it fit my mood at any given time.  That's all that keeps me from giving it a truly fantastic rating --- a personal idiosyncrasy on my part.  Oh, and cosplay is weird.

Here's the Sneaker Pimps covering the song that Britt Ekland obviously sung and definitely did not have her voice dubbed over during.

The Man With the Golden Gun

There aren't many movies that are confident enough to open with a sequence that flaunts a character's superfluous third nipple.  Aside from possibly Total Recall (for obvious paper mache reasons), The Man With the Golden Gun is in a non-pornographic class of its own.  This is the ninth overall film in the James Bond franchise, but only the second with Roger Moore as the titular hero.  That's not to say that Moore was young --- he was 47 when this was released --- but he was still finding his voice for the character.  Hey, Moore...here's a hint: be awesome!

British secret agent James Bond (Roger Moore) is called into his superior's office one day and is taken off his current case.  What was he working on?  A solution to the energy crisis.  Well.  Thank goodness we took care of that way back in 1974, so we don't have to deal with it today, eh?  Bond has been taken off the case because a golden bullet was mailed to MI6 with his agent number: 007.  This is a big deal because only one man in the whole world is known to use gold bullets, and that is the international assassin known as Francisco Scaramanga (Christopher Lee).  Nobody knows what he looks like, where he lives, or what job he will do next.  All that is known is that he has a third nipple and is one of the most dangerous men alive with a gun in his hand.  Naturally, Bond decides to track down this Scaramanga.  While this does end up being a fairly globe-trotting event, at its core, The Man With the Golden Gun is about James Bond facing off against one particularly challenging foe.  Who will win in a duel to the death, Bond or the titular character?  Okay, there's not a whole lot of suspense, given that there have been another dozen Bond movies after this one, but it's still an interesting idea.

"Now...look at the camera, and say 'Charlie's Angels!'"

I don't know your personal feelings about the many actors who have played James Bond, but I have always felt that Roger Moore did a good job, despite playing the role in the ridiculous 70s.  Moore's performance in this film is quite a bit rougher than I am used to seeing in a Bond movie.  He lies to a child, slaps a woman around for information, and mentally tortures one of the two Bond girls in the movie.  I'm okay with a secret agent with a license to kill being kind of a dick, but there were a few moments where Moore was less suave and more mean, which didn't really fit the tone of the movie.  Christopher Lee, though, was pretty entertaining.  Lee makes a great villain in any film, but he managed to take a pretty stupid character --- he wants to challenge James "Always Wins" Bond with a gun made of gold, one of the less practical metals for weapons --- and make him very cool.  His character has his own island, a midget butler, and a gun that disassembles into a zippo, but Lee never less the silliness of the character affect his performance.  He is serious, competitive, and cold.

Since this is a James Bond movie, it has a pretty substantial supporting cast.  The regular MI6 people show up --- Desmond Llewelyn (Q), Bernard Lee (M), and Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny) --- and they do their typical tour of duty.  The Bond girls in this film are Maud Adams as Scaramanga's girlfriend and Britt Ekland as Mary Goodnight, Bond's assistant in Asia.  Adams is okay, showing a surprising amount of depth (sometimes she looks upset, or even uncomfortable!) for a Bond girl.

Rubbing a gun all over your lover's face: not as sexy as it sounds.

The true Bond girl in this film, though, is Ekland.  She's surprisingly naive for a character that is interested in Bond, but Ekland plays that naivety quite naturally, if only because she has mastered the vacant stare.  And, while pretty ladies are always nice to watch, this wouldn't be a Bond movie without a memorable henchman for Scaramanga.  That role is filled admirably by his midget/dwarf/vertically-smooshed manservant, Nick Nack (Herve Villechaize).  While not physically imposing in the least, Nick Nack's role in things is bizarre enough to keep you interested.  The only other supporting cast member worth mentioning is the unfortunate inclusion of Clifton James as Sheriff J.W. Pepper, who was in Live and Let Die.  Pepper is one of those characters that is supposed to be comic relief, and yet makes no jokes at all in the film.  He just Foghorn Leghorns his way through some atrocious dialogue and manages to not get struck by any stray bullets in the movie.

Roger Moore with his leading ladies.

This was Guy Hamilton's fourth and final time directing a Bond movie, and his second with Moore in the lead.  As much as I like the overall idea of a villain being so bad-ass as to court a duel with a secret agent, I didn't particularly care for Hamilton's direction here.  I thought he gave Moore too rough of an edge at times, the plot was pretty slow for a Bond movie, and his attempts at capturing humor on film were just pitiful.

The sound effect for this shot was a slide whistle.  Seriously.

The inclusion of J.W. Pepper was completely unnecessary and had no payoff.  The scene where Bond almost chokes on a belly ornament (and then alludes to crapping it out later) makes Bond look like an amateur.  And the post-climax action scene was Bond vs. the midget.  What the hell, man?  This is bush league stuff, not bad-assery in any form!

Oh, and Bond gets protected by schoolgirls, too.

That's not to say that the film is without merit, of course.  Even when he's being a little extra rough, Roger Moore is a charmer.  That doesn't explain how he gets away with the infamous Goodnight closet scene, though.  That's the scene where Bond is preparing to romance Goodnight, but shoves her into a closet when Scaramanga's girl comes a-calling; he sexes up the bad girl, leaving Goodnight to listen in the closet.  And he still managed to romance her later in the film!  Christopher Lee was the best Bond villain in years, even if his character wasn't terribly logical.  I remembered this as one of the better Bonds, but it's really not.  Sure, Moore's solid, Lee is good, and Villechaize is short, but there's an awful lot about this movie that just doesn't work:

• When Bond asks who would want to pay Scaramanga's $1 million fee to kill him, M suggests "humiliated tailors."  Huh?
• Scaramanga's home has two walls covered with mounted insects behind glass.  It's never mentioned, but it's a weird detail.
• Where did the guitar go in the James Bond theme?  They replaced it with horns!
• An international custom weapons dealer allows Bond to turn his own display merchandise against him.  Is this his first day, or something?
• How did this movie get a PG rating?  There is the requisite naked silhouette girl in the opening credits, a topless (with long hair) waitress, the naked Chew Mee in a swimming pool, and Maud Adams naked behind shower glass.
• Bond only sleeps with two women in the film.  One of them has sex with him as a form of payment.

This is a very unique Bond movie, though.  No other film has such a clear-cut course of action for Bond, and that change of pace adds variety to the series as a whole.  Of course, with the obvious climax set up in the opening scenes, there isn't a whole lot to excite you as you wait for the finale.  Yes, Bond does some kung-fu and goes on a **sigh** crappy boat chase, but that's nowhere near enough.  This movie has no twists or turns, and no suspense.  Christopher Lee's performance is all that keeps this movie from being subpar.