Endless Night

I have no idea what scene this is from

Watching The Mirror Crack'd this Fall stirred a long-dormant movie appetite for me.  While that movie wasn't great, it reminded me how much I enjoy a good mystery.  It also reminded me how few Agatha Christie film adaptations I've watched.  While scanning through Netflix's instant queue, I stumbled across Endless Night, a movie I've never heard of based on a Christie book I have never read.  I figured that a story I was unfamiliar with would keep the mystery intact longer ---and I was right --- but that does not necessarily mean that you should go into this film with the same amount of foreknowledge I had.

Michael (Hywel Bennett) is a bit of a loser.  He holds random jobs for a few weeks at a time, but inevitably walks out or gets fired.  He's a bit of a dreamer, and he dreams of life as a very wealthy man.  While working as a chauffeur, Michael befriends a world-class architect, the peculiar-looking Santonix (Per Oscarsson), and the two idly come up with some grand plans for a fabulous home (which Michael could never afford) on Michael 's favorite piece of real estate (which Michael will never own).

Architect or cubist Picasso inspiration?  You decide

One day, as Michael visits the plot of land he loves so much, called Gypsy's Acre by the locals, he accidentally meets a very sweet girl, Ellie (Haley Mills).  The two quickly fall in love, but it turns out that Ellie is one of the wealthiest people in England.  Amazingly, that inconvenience does not prevent Michael from marrying her.

Michael, having the tough news broken to him

The two marry, despite disapproval from Ellie's family, and have Santonix build them a modern home on Gypsy's Acre.  Then the real problems begin.  One of the locals, whose family once owned Gypsy's Acre, appears to be trying to creep the new couple off the land; she doesn't do much except stare at their house, but according to a reliable source, you shouldn't trust gypsies to do no harm.  On top of that, Michael has to deal with Ellie's overbearing family, who are all too aware that he is now heir to a fortune that was once theirs.  To make matters even more awkward, Ellie invites her best friend/hired companion, the gorgeous Greta (Britt Ekland), to live in their new home. 

Yeah, I'd hate to have her live with me

To recap, Michael has gone from a poor schlub with no prospects to a happily married man that is ridiculously wealthy, living his dream and his biggest problems are bitter old women giving him a hard time.  Life is tough sometimes.  However, the story is told in flashback by Michael and parts of it have nightmarish undertones.  What could have happened that made Michael dream of this image in this odd hue?

Please please please let Beetlejuice be responsible

I was never a big fan of Haley Mills as a child actress, but she's a little better than I expected in Endless Night.  Her character is very sweet and innocent, but I was surprised to not find her annoying.  Well, not too annoying.  On an amusing note, when Haley sings, her voice was dubbed over by Shirley Jones; so, when you see the scene and think "Gee, her lips and throat don't quite match the operatic voice in this scene," you are absolutely correct.  When I have to start by praising the mediocre talent of a former Disney star, you can tell that the acting is not great.  Specifically, Hywel Bennett was consistently awful.  The script has a few opportunities for Michael to seem sympathetic or likable, but Bennett manages to deadpan his way through every chance he got.  I understand that he needs to be a little mysterious for the mystery at the story's center, but there's a big difference between being bland and reserved.  Britt Ekland was also horrid.  Ekland isn't typically in films for her acting talent, but she really shouldn't be asked to cry on cue; her "acting" made me wince on multiple occasions.  George Sanders was fine, but sorely underused as the only cast member that understood the concept of subtlety.  On the bright side, this was the first time I saw Lois Maxwell outside of a James Bond film; all she does is give Michael the cold shoulder, but it showed more range than I thought her capable of.

Miss Moneypenny disapproves

Endless Night was directed and adapted for the screen by Sidney Gillat.  Gillat had a long career, primarily as a writer (including a few early Hitchcock films, like The Lady Vanishes), but if this is a representative example of his directorial skills, he should have stuck with his typewriter.  I will admit that a decent amount of the problem with Endless Night is Christie's source novel --- it focused on psychology instead of mystery --- but Gillat did absolutely nothing to save the concept.  Michael is the narrator, and it is clear that he is an unreliable narrator; Gillat could have run with that idea, having Michael reconstruct scenes when he is caught narrating a lie, forcing the audience to wonder how much of this story actually happened.  That's not the route Gillat goes.  Instead, Michael just bookends the story in a very loose way.  Even worse, the introductory bookend was wretched; coming across as hilariously melodramatic and just plain goofy.  Of course, as director, you can also blame Gillat for getting such wooden performances from his cast, too. 

"You want us to...act?!?"

There are some technical flaws that I noticed, too, with the most notable being the alleged night scene --- where Ellie wakes from a deep sleep only moments after Michael got up and decides to follow him outside, just like any married couple would ***eye roll***--- that was clearly filmed during the daytime and then artificially darkened.  My least favorite aspect of this film was how dull the reveal is.  Yes, Gillat made sure to not explicitly hint at the secret before the plot twist, but it was neither shocking nor entertaining.  He failed to build an ounce of suspense.

He did, however, build an ugly house for this movie

Even with poor direction and embarrassing acting, Endless Night could have stood out for its twist/reveal/mystery.  Had Gillat fostered the notion of Michael as an unreliable narrator, the reveal toward the end could have been fairly cool.  Instead, it seems less the work of a dastardly genius and more like a sitcom plot.  Bad story, bad acting and a lame twist lead to a bad movie.  On the other hand, there is a certain amount of kitsch value to a film with such a ridiculous house, a scene where Haley Mills has no face, and Britt Ekland has the least convincing crying-changing-into-laughter scene ever.  This is definitely a bad movie that has aged poorly, but you can laugh at it for a small bit of enjoyment.

You Only Live Twice

Ah, You Only Live Twice.  This is one of the more landmark titles in the James Bond catalog for a few reasons.  The novel (the twelfth book in the series) was the last published during Ian Fleming's lifetime.  The book took place immediately after On Her Majesty's Secret Service, which meant that YOLT essentially followed Bond as he hunted down Blofeld to avenge his dead wife.  In many ways, this was part of a decade-long evolution for the character.  The film, though, was only the fifth Bond made, and I think we can agree that character evolution is definitely not a high priority in the film franchise.  This one actually came out before OHMSS, too, so...if Bond hasn't been married yet in the film series, then what is he supposed to be doing in this movie?

Oh...right.

After the underwater ridiculousness of Thunderball, it is not that surprising that You Only Live Twice opens with a sequence set in another unlikely location: space.  When the Americans send some astronauts into orbit in a pellet-sized spacecraft, everything goes off without a hitch.  Once it is in orbit, though, another significantly larger spacecraft sneaks up behind it and pulls a Pac-Man.

"It's like my worst nightmare for my penis.  What?!?" - Actual quote from me, 10 years ago

The Pac-Man ship then returns to Earth, but the Americans are unable to track or communicate with their shuttle, much less the enormous stealth ship.  Who could do such a thing and why?  While "space pirates" may be the logical conclusion to draw, the Americans conclude that it is the Russians that are up to no good.  The year was 1967, though, and "Russians up to no good" was the step before "mutually assured destruction" on the American government's foreign policy flow chart.  Luckily, the British also paid attention to the space launch, and they tracked the mystery craft's landing to the Sea of Japan.  But who will they send to investigate?

Ninjas, obviously.  It is Japan, you know.

Normally, you would assume the answer to be James Bond (Sean Connery).  Sadly, he was murdered about five minutes into the film and given a funeral at sea.  I guess that's what happens when entire international terrorist organizations know who you are; when the "secret" in "secret agent" goes away, you are basically a walking target.  Bond was such a terrible secret agent that his death was even front page news!  Thankfully, the audience is saved from a film where Q (Desmond Llewelyn) uses his gadgets to infiltrate/seduce his way through an island fortress.  James Bond isn't actually dead, silly!  It was all a ruse to convince SPECTRE, the SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion, of Bond's death.  With that one man, who they were presumably tracking constantly, out of the way, they can go about their evil plans with less secrecy and/or care.  That means they can launch Pac-Man spaceships from their secret volcano base whenever they want, especially if their next target is a Russian spacecraft; with the Americans and Russians missing ships it will be obvious that they are facing a common foe they will obviously declare war on each other!  But since Bond is really alive, he will be able to try and foil those dastardly plans.  Since he is so infamous among SPECTRE agents, though, Bond will obviously have to disguise himself as a Japanese man to make it all work.

"You have got to be bullshitting me"  Nope.

I've been thinking a bit about SPECTRE's acronym lately.  Sure, you've got to love any group of admitted terrorists and extortionists that also include revenge as a key value --- organizations that take personal interests in their henchmen are the most successful kind --- but I don't know how much I like the "SP."  Did they just come up with "SPECTRE" and then try to find words to fit the acronym, but they couldn't think of any nasty words that begin with "P"?  Or did they just add the "P" because they thought that "SECTRE" sounded too ridiculous?  Personally, I would have been happy with rearranging the acronym to spell "STREEC"; the monologues would have been great: "And we will STREEC our vengeance across the baseball field of capitalism, until security apprehends us...no, wait..."

Although STREEC would imply why so many of their agents get naked

You Only Live Twice was Sean Connery's final Bond movie, until he made two more.  While he is certainly not as charming or bad-ass as he had been in the last few films, Connery still turned in an okay performance.  His toupee (he wore one in every Bond pic) was a bit more noticeable to me this time, though, and the script required him to look fairly incompetent as a secret agent --- him getting shown up by Aki so easily was painful to watch --- but Connery managed to not look embarrassed by the film's stupidity, at least.  The villain du jour was SPECTRE Number One, Blofeld (Donald Pleasence) himself.  This was the first time audiences got to see the villain's face, and he was suitably memorable.  While Blofeld isn't terribly impressive here --- he commits the sin of not killing Bond in a timely fashion --- he is suitably ruthless and ridiculous in equal parts.  Pleasence is fine, though his role requires him to keep a monotonous vocal cadence and an effeminate walk.

Blofeld chokes out an incompetent underling

The rest of the supporting cast is less stellar.  Tetsurô Tanba was mediocre as the Japanese equivalent of Felix Leiter; he would have been more likable if his plans weren't completely idiotic.  Speaking of idiotic characters, Karin Dor played the entendre-free Helga Brandt, who captured Bond, has sex with Bond, drugs Bond, then puts him in a small plane, which she pilots until he wakes up, at which point she parachutes to safety.  JUST SHOOT HIM, LADY!  Dor isn't that bad of an actress here, but it's impossible to make a character like that look good.  The other Bond girl in this picture is Mie Hama, who played the traditionally named (by Bond movie standards) Kissy Suzuki.  Hama was fairly worthless, essentially spending her time on camera just running from one place to another in a bikini.  That was far less irritating than Helga Brandt's stupidity, so Hama's lack of acting skills or quality dialogue is easily overlooked.  It is amusing to note that the Japanese Hama's dialogue was dubbed over by frequent Bond-girl-voiceover artist (and German national) Nikki Van der Zyl.

L-R: Hama acting, Connery bored

Aside from that, we have the usual suspects making brief appearances.  Desmond Llewelyn reprised his role as Q, although it is worth noting that Bond requested the more ridiculous gadgets this time around.  Lois Maxwell and Bernard Lee also returned as Moneypenny and M, respectively; none of these three did anything special this time around, but in a cast of hundreds it can be nice to see some familiar faces.

You Only Live Twice was the first Bond film to be directed by Lewis Gilbert.  The result was...okay, I guess.  This movie feels like a more ridiculous version of Dr. No in many ways (which mediocre screenwriter/excellent author Roald Dahl freely admitted), and the plot elements that differentiate it from other Bond movies --- Japan, basically --- aren't handled very well.  To be fair, it is easy to laugh at the low-rent ninjas in this movie, but this film was made before any awesome kung-fu movies had success in the West.  Gilbert inherited quite a mess when he signed up for this movie --- he had a first-time screenwriter, a star openly planning to leave the franchise, they had to recast Blofeld after filming started, the screenplay essentially omits the entire book, and the Japanese actresses had to switch roles because Mie Hama's English was so bad --- so I suppose it is a miracle that You Only Live Twice is as good as it is.  Still, the only truly iconic moment this entry in the series has is the appearance of Blofeld.  Aside from that, Gilbert oversaw a lot of ridiculousness.

What sets You Only Live Twice apart from the films that came before it is just how hilariously stupid entire chunks of the plot are.  Now, I own (and have read) the novel that the film takes its title from, and I can attest that the book --- which spends a lot of time just describing Japanese things --- would have made for a difficult direct adaptation.  Roald Dahl's screenplay (the first Bond screenplay to deviate significantly from the source material) is not much of an improvement. I liked that the filmmakers attempted to address Bond's failure as a secret agent, but everything past that was just goofy.  There are suspiciously placed trap doors, villains who allegedly recognize everything about Bond (including his gun!) but fail to recognize him in a face-to-face (and, in one case, junk-to-junk) interaction, and the action highlight is Bond in a weaponized mini-copter.

I think my favorite scene in the film has Bond being driven away from some SPECTRE thugs, who are pursuing in a car.  Bond's Japanese contact then radios for help, requesting "the usual reception."  A helicopter then arrives (that was fast) with a powerful magnet dangling underneath it; the chopper then drops the magnet on the villains' car and lifts the car off the road and drops it in a lake/ocean nearby. 

And that is the "usual" reception

That naturally leads viewers to a few conclusions.  First, Japanese bodies of water are filled with automobiles and dead terrorists.  Second, there is another, more outlandish way that Japanese secret agents get rid of unwanted followers; what the "unusual" reception would be staggers the imagination.  My best guess involves Godzilla.  Of course, the biggest bit of silliness in this movie is the part where James Bond is given a Japanese makeover to make him look like an average Japanese fisherman.  This involves a bad wig, learning a few things about Japanese culture, and (I swear) altering his eyes slightly. 

The result: a stereotypical Japanese man

Surprisingly, this movie isn't nearly as offensively racist as that might sound.  Still, it comes close more than a few times.  There's a lot more that is wrong with this movie (Why did Bond get married?  Unarmed astronauts > armed henchmen?), but I actually don't mind all the moronic moments.  It certainly isn't one of the best Bonds, but if you embrace the ridiculousness, this can be a lot of fun.  What You Only Live Twice lacks in style and utter awesomeness it more than makes up for with a brazen dedication to a truly silly plot.  When you add that to a still-young Connery in the lead role and a memorable villain, you have a solid (though definitely not great) entry in the Bond series.

Thunderball

What the hell is a Thunderball?  According to the always lyrically helpful Tom Jones, it is a way in which you can strike.  As in, "he strikes like Thunderball."  Is that innuendo?  Could the mysterious term be replaced with Hurricanejunk or Tornadocock?  I have to admit, I've always been puzzled by that.  In the context of the film Thunderball, it is the code name of MI6's plan to thwart the evil plans of SPECTRE --- the SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, extortion and awesome acronymsE.  It's been a while since I have reviewed a James Bond film --- over five months! --- which means that I have accidentally been depriving myself of the best super-spy in the business for almost half a year.  That ends today.

"So, it's your SPECTRE against mine."  I've never seen someone so pleased with a "subtle" jab.

The always ingenious SPECTRE organization has struck again!  But instead of manipulating other nations (From Russia With Love) or messing with the space program (Dr. No), SPECTRE has decided to grow a pair and straight-out threaten the world.  In a ridiculously complicated plot, which involves plastic surgery and an evil spa, the organization manages to steal some nuclear weapons and they (quite logically, I think) opt to ransom the Western world for £100 million in diamonds.  Huh.  I forgot that Doctor Evil joke was actually accurate.  As luck would have it, agent 007, James Bond (Sean Connery) happened to be convalescing at the same spa where SPECTRE people were preparing for the nuke snatch.

That is one unsettling smirk

This is immediately following Bond killing SPECTRE operative Number 6.  What are the odds that he would foil one SPECTRE operation and stumble into another?  If you immediately thought "one in 007," smack yourself, please.  How can Bond possibly try to avert this very serious, no-fooling nuclear catastrophe?  By befriending the mistress of SPECTRE operative Number 2, Largo (Adolpho Celi), and more or less baiting the supervillain.

The problem with Bond villains: Largo handing James a gun

More than any other Bond film, Thunderball is truly the blueprint for the series.  Dr. No was too small-time, From Russia With Love was too espionage-heavy, and Goldfinger was just a one-off run at awesomeness.  This is the first Bond movie that dared to dream big and wasn't afraid to be completely ridiculous in the process. 

"I have no idea what you are referring to"

Thunderball really has all the Bond benchmarks.  Gadgets from Q (Desmond Llewelyn)?  Check.  Over the top villains?  I think a shark-loving, baccarat-playing, one-eyed henchman fits the bill.  Big stakes?  It doesn't get much bigger than nuclear terrorism.  Ridiculous action sequences?  There is a jet pack scene, a swimming pool filled with sharks, and a car equipped with weaponized and pressurized water.  Bond girls?  This movie has three.  One-liners?  Oh, my, yes.  In so many ways, Thunderball is the quintessential Bond movie.

This was the fourth James Bond film, and the fourth time Sean Connery played the character.  Connery's Bond is the most interesting to watch because he changes his style subtly with each outing.  While this may be his fourth time playing Bond, this Bond is a lot cockier than before (which is saying a lot) and he's a bit of a prick.  I'm totally fine with that choice, but it does lead to some of the more ridiculous (and awesome) moments in the movie.  Adolpho Celi doesn't really stand a a chance against such a confident and competent secret agent.  Celi isn't bad, but his character's main talent is ruthlessness, which is negated in every scene where he doesn't shoot Bond in the face.  Aside from that gaping plot hole, Celi is fine, but nowhere near as engaging as any of the Bond villains up to this point, mostly thanks to his stupid character.  I mean, he's supposed to be representing a super-secret villainous organization, right?  Look at this picture: 

He's wearing his damn SPECTRE class ring!  What is it about "super-secret organization" that he doesn't get?  Bah!

The rest of the cast is more sensible.  The requisite Bond girls are all halfway decent.  Claudine Auger played the primary Bond lady, Domino, and she probably had the meatiest role of any Bond girl to date.  She didn't deserve any awards or anything, but she stands out amongst her peers here. 

Auger, trying to unravel Van Morrison's "Domino" lyrics.  Probably.

Bond also seduced Fiona, a SPECTRE agent, played by Luciana Paluzzi; she had good crazy eyes, but the best thnig about her performance was simply being on the receiving end of Bond saying he got sexy with her "for Queen and Country."  My favorite Bond girl in this movie was definitely Bond's physical therapist (Molly Peters) from both an attractiveness standpoint as well as an amusing one.  This is the character that Bond blackmails into having sex, overreacts to his bizarre mink lecture, and then gets completely blown off by Bond when he leaves.  I wouldn't call her a role model for little girls, but she definitely plays into the irresistible mystique of Bond.  The usual suspects also make their typical brief appearances, like Desmond Llewelyn as Q, Bernard Lee as M, and Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny.  Rik Van Nutter won the annual sweepstakes to make a one-off appearance as Felix Leiter, although his filmography implies that his selection just may have been at random.

Interesting James Bond fact: most of the early Bond girls had their dialogue dubbed over by Nikki Van der Zyl.  Apparently, the foreign models used in these movies had thick accents and/or limited acting ability (**gasp!**), so Nikki did the voices for most of the sexy women in nine (!) of the first eleven Bond films, including Domino.  Sadly, she is not named in any of the credits of these films.  I just stumbled across this knowledge, and it astounded me that there could be such a huge Bond contributor that I had absolutely no knowledge of.

This is the third and final James Bond film directed by Terence Young.  While Thunderball lacks the spy intrigue of his earlier work, Young definitely left his mark on the franchise.  The underwater scenes in this film are what stand out the most.  To this day, the underwater cinematography in this film is some of the best ever done, and it is probably on the largest scale, too.  Aside from the underwater scenes, Young appears to have relaxed a little, and it shows in how nasty and smart-assed Connery is allowed to be.  I don't think that's a good or bad thing; it's just noticeable.

This is framed in my home.  Fact.

Unfortunately, Young's strongest point is also Thunderball's weakest.  The underwater scenes, while pretty, are dreadfully dull.  They are long, the otherwise awesome score becomes irritatingly repetitive during them, and it is very difficult to identify characters when they are in full-body wetsuits with masks on.  Oh, and everything happens slowly underwater.  This was the biggest Bond movie to date, and yet you can tell that the filmmakers were struggling with ways to top themselves.  This was also the most tongue-in-cheek Bond movie to date.  When you combine an increased tendency for one-liners with extended periods free of dialogue (the underwater scenes, duh), you wind up with a poorly paced film.  Of course, the plot is also one of the stupider plots in the history of Bond plots, where believability is usually not a priority.  Why do Largo and Bond maintain a polite rivalry?  There is no need for it, whatsoever; they're not fooling each other, so I don't get the point.  I could deal with the water scenes if there was more espionage in the rest of the film.  Despite all of that, Thunderball truly is the best example of a James Bond 007 film.  It doesn't have a great story and it is definitely flawed thanks to its signature action sequence, but it is charming and cool.  It is silly and stupid, but nowhere near as hammy or dumb as the later Roger Moore films.  It's not perfect by any means, but it is definitely definitive Bond.

Fun fact: Johnny Cash submitted a song he wrote for this soundtrack.  It's not half bad, but it sure isn't a Bond theme.

The Man With the Golden Gun

There aren't many movies that are confident enough to open with a sequence that flaunts a character's superfluous third nipple.  Aside from possibly Total Recall (for obvious paper mache reasons), The Man With the Golden Gun is in a non-pornographic class of its own.  This is the ninth overall film in the James Bond franchise, but only the second with Roger Moore as the titular hero.  That's not to say that Moore was young --- he was 47 when this was released --- but he was still finding his voice for the character.  Hey, Moore...here's a hint: be awesome!

British secret agent James Bond (Roger Moore) is called into his superior's office one day and is taken off his current case.  What was he working on?  A solution to the energy crisis.  Well.  Thank goodness we took care of that way back in 1974, so we don't have to deal with it today, eh?  Bond has been taken off the case because a golden bullet was mailed to MI6 with his agent number: 007.  This is a big deal because only one man in the whole world is known to use gold bullets, and that is the international assassin known as Francisco Scaramanga (Christopher Lee).  Nobody knows what he looks like, where he lives, or what job he will do next.  All that is known is that he has a third nipple and is one of the most dangerous men alive with a gun in his hand.  Naturally, Bond decides to track down this Scaramanga.  While this does end up being a fairly globe-trotting event, at its core, The Man With the Golden Gun is about James Bond facing off against one particularly challenging foe.  Who will win in a duel to the death, Bond or the titular character?  Okay, there's not a whole lot of suspense, given that there have been another dozen Bond movies after this one, but it's still an interesting idea.

"Now...look at the camera, and say 'Charlie's Angels!'"

I don't know your personal feelings about the many actors who have played James Bond, but I have always felt that Roger Moore did a good job, despite playing the role in the ridiculous 70s.  Moore's performance in this film is quite a bit rougher than I am used to seeing in a Bond movie.  He lies to a child, slaps a woman around for information, and mentally tortures one of the two Bond girls in the movie.  I'm okay with a secret agent with a license to kill being kind of a dick, but there were a few moments where Moore was less suave and more mean, which didn't really fit the tone of the movie.  Christopher Lee, though, was pretty entertaining.  Lee makes a great villain in any film, but he managed to take a pretty stupid character --- he wants to challenge James "Always Wins" Bond with a gun made of gold, one of the less practical metals for weapons --- and make him very cool.  His character has his own island, a midget butler, and a gun that disassembles into a zippo, but Lee never less the silliness of the character affect his performance.  He is serious, competitive, and cold.

Since this is a James Bond movie, it has a pretty substantial supporting cast.  The regular MI6 people show up --- Desmond Llewelyn (Q), Bernard Lee (M), and Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny) --- and they do their typical tour of duty.  The Bond girls in this film are Maud Adams as Scaramanga's girlfriend and Britt Ekland as Mary Goodnight, Bond's assistant in Asia.  Adams is okay, showing a surprising amount of depth (sometimes she looks upset, or even uncomfortable!) for a Bond girl.

Rubbing a gun all over your lover's face: not as sexy as it sounds.

The true Bond girl in this film, though, is Ekland.  She's surprisingly naive for a character that is interested in Bond, but Ekland plays that naivety quite naturally, if only because she has mastered the vacant stare.  And, while pretty ladies are always nice to watch, this wouldn't be a Bond movie without a memorable henchman for Scaramanga.  That role is filled admirably by his midget/dwarf/vertically-smooshed manservant, Nick Nack (Herve Villechaize).  While not physically imposing in the least, Nick Nack's role in things is bizarre enough to keep you interested.  The only other supporting cast member worth mentioning is the unfortunate inclusion of Clifton James as Sheriff J.W. Pepper, who was in Live and Let Die.  Pepper is one of those characters that is supposed to be comic relief, and yet makes no jokes at all in the film.  He just Foghorn Leghorns his way through some atrocious dialogue and manages to not get struck by any stray bullets in the movie.

Roger Moore with his leading ladies.

This was Guy Hamilton's fourth and final time directing a Bond movie, and his second with Moore in the lead.  As much as I like the overall idea of a villain being so bad-ass as to court a duel with a secret agent, I didn't particularly care for Hamilton's direction here.  I thought he gave Moore too rough of an edge at times, the plot was pretty slow for a Bond movie, and his attempts at capturing humor on film were just pitiful.

The sound effect for this shot was a slide whistle.  Seriously.

The inclusion of J.W. Pepper was completely unnecessary and had no payoff.  The scene where Bond almost chokes on a belly ornament (and then alludes to crapping it out later) makes Bond look like an amateur.  And the post-climax action scene was Bond vs. the midget.  What the hell, man?  This is bush league stuff, not bad-assery in any form!

Oh, and Bond gets protected by schoolgirls, too.

That's not to say that the film is without merit, of course.  Even when he's being a little extra rough, Roger Moore is a charmer.  That doesn't explain how he gets away with the infamous Goodnight closet scene, though.  That's the scene where Bond is preparing to romance Goodnight, but shoves her into a closet when Scaramanga's girl comes a-calling; he sexes up the bad girl, leaving Goodnight to listen in the closet.  And he still managed to romance her later in the film!  Christopher Lee was the best Bond villain in years, even if his character wasn't terribly logical.  I remembered this as one of the better Bonds, but it's really not.  Sure, Moore's solid, Lee is good, and Villechaize is short, but there's an awful lot about this movie that just doesn't work:

• When Bond asks who would want to pay Scaramanga's $1 million fee to kill him, M suggests "humiliated tailors."  Huh?
• Scaramanga's home has two walls covered with mounted insects behind glass.  It's never mentioned, but it's a weird detail.
• Where did the guitar go in the James Bond theme?  They replaced it with horns!
• An international custom weapons dealer allows Bond to turn his own display merchandise against him.  Is this his first day, or something?
• How did this movie get a PG rating?  There is the requisite naked silhouette girl in the opening credits, a topless (with long hair) waitress, the naked Chew Mee in a swimming pool, and Maud Adams naked behind shower glass.
• Bond only sleeps with two women in the film.  One of them has sex with him as a form of payment.

This is a very unique Bond movie, though.  No other film has such a clear-cut course of action for Bond, and that change of pace adds variety to the series as a whole.  Of course, with the obvious climax set up in the opening scenes, there isn't a whole lot to excite you as you wait for the finale.  Yes, Bond does some kung-fu and goes on a **sigh** crappy boat chase, but that's nowhere near enough.  This movie has no twists or turns, and no suspense.  Christopher Lee's performance is all that keeps this movie from being subpar.

From Russia With Love

The overriding theme of the first James Bond movie, Dr. No, is that James Bond is awesome.  The theme of the second James Bond movie, From Russia With Love, is that James Bond is awesomer than before.  Do you really need proof?  Fine.  One of the central plot lines in this movie has a low-level Soviet agent defecting to England because she fell in love with the photograph of Bond in her Soviet files --- and British Intelligence's reaction is "While unusual, I'm willing to believe it."  That's right.  Bond is so manly that the mere sight of him causes the ladies to defect (which sounds like a dirty fetish, but is instead just dangerous).  In short, James Bond's picture is more awesome than most men in person.

The film opens with a dangerous cat-and-mouse game where James Bond is stalking/being stalked by an agent of SPECTRE, the international organization of eee-veeel.  The SPECTRE agent, Grant (a young Robert Shaw) actually gets the upper hand and garrotes Bond to death!  Well, it turns out to be a random dude with a Mission Impossible II-quality Bond mask and a tuxedo, so it's not all that impressive.  Still, we learn a few very important things about SPECTRE in this scene.  First, we learn that SPECTRE is willing to kill people to better train their agents, which is a very eee-veeel thing to do.  Second, we learn that this exercise takes place on --- wait for it --- SPECTRE Island.  For an organization that keeps the names of its agents secret (we see Numbers One, Three, and Five in this film), that is a hilariously not secret name for their secret base.  I hope that's the actual name of the island, as it appears on maps.  And thirdly, SPECTRE fully expects to kill James Bond while wearing a tux.  Sure, that's a possibility, I guess, but why go to the expense of fitting a corpse-to-be with a nice tuxedo and then have his death bowel spasms soil the suit?  Wait...don't tell me...I can figure this one out...SPECTRE has their live bait wear tuxedos because...um...their international crime syndicate uses dry cleaners as legitimate business fronts for their terrorist activities!  I feel so smart right now.

Anyway, SPECTRE's ace planner/eee-veeel chess master, Number Five, comes up with a plan that will achieve three objectives if successful: it will increase tensions between East and West (this was the Cold War, you know), SPECTRE will get a valuable decoding device, and James Bond (Sean Connery) will die for meddling with Dr. No in the last movie.  The plan is to convince a loyal and beautiful Communist worker with access to the decoding device to pretend to defect to England; she will offer to steal the device, but only if James Bond is the agent assigned to aid her defection.  SPECTRE will kill everyone involved and steal the decoder, leaving the West to believe that SMERSH (Soviet counterintelligence) did the deed and vice versa.  Bond and MI6 (British Intelligence) assume that it is all a trap, but the decoder is worth the risk, so Bond agrees to go to.  Of course, a picture of the defecting Soviet, Tatiana (Daniela Bianchi), helps Bond make his decision. 

No wonder she wants to defect...they can't even afford pants in Russia!

As far as Bond plots go, From Russia With Love is one of the most straight-forward.  We know that Tatiana isn't terribly duplicitous.  We know SPECTRE is pulling the strings, and we know who their agents are in the film.  We know that Bond knows that this is all a trap.  This is all set up at the beginning of the movie, so there's no real twist in this film.  Instead, we get to see the best espionage-counterespionage Bond to date.

Once again, Sean Connery is James Bond, and he's so good in this movie.  He's not quite as cocky as he gets in Goldfinger, but still well aware of his charms.  Heck, he should be --- the story is based on the premise that his looks are undeniably defection-worthy.  Aside from that, though, this is perhaps the smartest and most realistic Bond of the sixties; he's a little more sophisticated, a little less campy, and he's a lot more confident.  How else do you explain this exchange?

Tatiana: My friends call me Tanya.
JB: My friends call me James Bond.
[...]
Tatiana: I think my mouth is too big.
JB: I think it's just the right size.  For me, that is!

Bam!  Now that is how to simultaneously distance yourself emotionally and yet also innuendo yourself into some sexy time!  James, you are the master.  That dialogue is a little dirtier once you know that Tatiana was naked under some bedsheets while they introduced themselves and SPECTRE agents were, for some reason, preparing to film them having sex.  I guess the "P" in SPECTRE stands for "Perverts."

...because when I think "Russia," I imagine belly dancers and cat fights.

The rest of the acting is actually pretty good.  Daniela Bianchi isn't a great actress, but she's believable as the too-good-to-be-true Russian doll; this movie is so many things, but it is also one of the great inflators of the male ego --- a beautiful woman chooses to endure great hardship and danger, just to satisfy her lust for a man she has never met.  Basically, she has to look sexy and act attracted to Bond.  It's not tough work, but she succeeds.  Lotte Lenya was good as Number 3, the prototype for Frau Farbissina of the Austin Powers series, but I was really impressed by Robert Shaw.  I've seen this movie a dozen times, but this was the first time I recognized him --- he's so young, and thin, and...blonde!  He is a worthy adversary for Bond and, aside from indulging in every Bond villain's weakness (monologuing), one of the most formindable foes he faces in the entire series.  The rest of the cast are the normal bit players.  Bernard Lee returned as M with Lois Maxwell as Miss Moneypenny.  Desmond Llewelyn made his first appearance as Major Boothroyd from Q Branch (not just "Q" yet); his character was played by another man in Dr. No.  I was also surprised to recognize Eunice Grayson as the first woman we see Bond with in the film; she's the same actress and character that Bond met playing baccarat in the last film.  You don't usually see Bond girls popping up in more than one film.  I guess Bond was a little more commitment-friendly in the old days.  I mean, if you can count sleeping with four women in one film a "commitment."  We also see the mysterious Number 1 in this film, but never his face.  He doesn't appear to be very nice, though.

This movie has an awful lot of suggestive content for a movie made for mass consumption in 1963.  Aside from Tatiana throwing herself at Bond, not even making him undress her, there are a number of oddly lewd moments in From Russia....  For instance, the head of MI6 in Istanbul is in his home, trying to read his newspaper, but his stupid wife keeps pestering him to spend time with her in their bedroom.  He sighs and says, "Back to the salt mines," and kisses her.  Callous?  Yes.  Awesome?  Of course.  Then there is the time when Bond settles a feud between two gypsy women by (presumably) having a threesome.  I'm not saying his plan didn't work, but I don't know if his plan and the gypsy plan was one and the same.  And, of course, there is the sex tape.  What exactly was SPECTRE going to do with a sex tape?  Blackmail Bond?  I would have assumed that dirty man whore makes his own tapes, probably with gadgets on loan from Q Branch.  Do they expect him to have shame over his promiscuity?  Talk about not knowing your victim.  Granted, none of this, even the threesome, is as suggestive as the name Pussy Galore, but I'm surprised this didn't receive more protests for inappropriate content when it first came out.

This is the first Bond film where the man gets some gadgets to play with.  Q Branch supplies James with a briefcase equipped with a hidden throwing knife, 50 gold sovereigns, a tiny sniper rifle, and a teargas trap to nail anyone trying to snoop in the case.  No, it's not a laser wristwatch, but it is baby steps in the direction the series would soon take.  Overall, the briefcase seems fairly plausible and every part of it was used in the movie.

Okay, so it's pretty obvious that I like this movie.  It can't be perfect, though, can it?  No, it can't.  While I'm perfectly fine with Terence Young's direction (he and Connery work well together), and I enjoyed seeing how Young handled a more professional supporting cast than in the last movie, I didn't see the point in the boat chase.  Sure, I understand that it is part of the falling action and it helps show that the Double-0 agent is always in danger, but boat chases are always terrible.  Always.  Please, prove me wrong.  The movie also disappoints by having Bond drink an unnamed mixed drink, champagne, and gypsy wine, but never his signature drink.  This is also the only Bond movie (aside from the theme-less Dr. No) to not have the theme song sung in the opening credits --- it's instrumental, for some unknown reason.  It's not even a bad song, either.  I was surprised that two of the SPECTRE numbers (the big time agents) die in this movie; it leaves things a little too tidy for my liking.  This movie feels like they were planning to build up to something significant with SPECTRE in the next film, but killing the agents we know allows Goldfinger to be SPECTRE-free.  It's an odd choice to have them so prominent here, but with nothing to lead them into the next movie.

That is totally just nitpicking, though.  From Russia With Love is my favorite Bond movie.  You can make a case for Goldfinger (and I will when I review it), but this is the one that sets the standard of excellence in the series.  It's smarter than most, but also slower than most, I admit.  However, these are the most well-developed Bond characters we will see for a few decades, and that makes up for the lack of explosions and goofy henchmen.  This is the first Bond that actually feels like a real spy story, and it's a good one.  After this film, the Bond movies take on a life of their own, mostly independent of Ian Fleming's novels, but this is tough, gritty, suspenseful, and genuinely cool.

Dr. No

Looking back at the very first James Bond 007 film, the thing that sticks out to me is the lack of a theme song.  Oh, sure, the awesome and classic "James Bond Theme" makes its impressive debut in Dr. No, but there is no song with "Dr. No" in the title or the lyrics.  I understand that the franchise's wonderfully ridiculous/awful collaboration with Shirley Bassey was still a few years away, but really?  Here, I'll get you started:

Doc-torrrrrrr Nooooooo
He always says "yes"
To daaaaaaaan-ger!

Throw in some over-the-top orchestrated horns and some surf guitar, get Shirley or Lulu to sing it, and the song's practically finished.  You're welcome.  When the movie gets re-reissued on BluRay, I better get some songwriting royalties.

When we first meet James Bond (Sean Connery), he is already a full-fledged 007 agent, which means that he works for MI6 (the British CIA) and has a license to kill.  That also means that this is not an origin story, either, which is unusual for the first film in a franchise.  The first time he is seen on screen, Bond is playing baccarat, the most mysterious form of gambling in the Western world.  At least, I can't figure it out.  Bond wins a bunch of money at a casino/hotel, checks in at the office and gets an assignment, and then comes back to his room to find that somebody is inside!  Armed, Bond pounces into the bedroom to find the beautiful woman he beat in baccarat is hanging out, wearing his pajamas; and no, the gun does not deter her attempts to seduce Mr. Bond.  If there was a laser-powered suitcase somewhere in this sequence, I could claim this to be the quintessential Bond sequence.  Oh well, it's a damn good introduction to the character that is part man, part spy, and all male slut.  Or, if "slut" is an offensive term to you, please feel free to substitute it with "he-whore."

The plot is pretty basic (for a Bond movie).  Bond is sent to Jamaica to investigate the disappearance of the local Station Chief.  Since Jamaica isn't a hotbed for anti-British sentiment, it's not a place where there are many motives for assassinating members of British Intelligence; Bond quickly comes to the conclusion that the Section Chief was disappeared because of his work with the CIA on a case involving Dr. No (Joseph Wiseman).  The good doctor is a mysterious figure who owns his own island off the coast of Jamaica and is obviously up to no good.  Bond's CIA contact, Felix Leiter (Jack Lord), apparently doesn't have the cobblers (or the jurisdiction, I forget which) to check out the island himself, so Bond is forced to recruit some local talent to help.  The "talent" is Quarrel (John Kitzmiller), a fisherman who is superstitious (certainly not because of his dark skin, because a British movie in 1962 certainly wouldn't be racist) and drinks frequently from a jug of rum, which Bond never mentions and allows on the potentially dangerous mission.  If you're as slutty as James Bond, I suppose you never know when an orgy might break out, so I guess that's believable for his character.

Before he leaves for the island, Bond faces a few minor threats to his life, including a tarantula, three blind assassins, and woman willing to use sex as a stalling tactic.  The life of a double-0 agent is a tough one.  Quarrel and Bond sail for Dr. No's island and meet professional shell collector Honey Ryder (Ursula Andress).  She doesn't seem very bright, despite being the daughter of a scientist, but she has a very comely bikini, so Bond lets her hang out with him.  They did not arrive unnoticed, though, and Dr. No's men attempt to capture the group with a tank that is disguised to look like a dragon.  Because dragons are less noteworthy, I guess.  Quarrel dies in the attempt (perhaps soaking himself in rum was a bad idea when facing a flame thrower), so James and Honey surrender.  They are taken to Dr. No's secret complex, where they meet the man behind the madness, someone so evil that he has bionic hands --- Dr. No.  Duh-duh-DUUUUUM!  Who is this reclusive madman, and what are his evil plans?  Will Honey Ryder's name turn out to be a double entendre?  Will we ever find out what evil organization Dr. No belongs to?

Well, for the last question the answer is SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence Terrorism Revenge and Extortion, AKA SPECTRE.  That is one awesome acronym.  While the first mention of SPECTRE is certainly noteworthy, this film has a number of "firsts" for the Bond franchise.  It's the first time we hear James introduce himself as "Bond.  James Bond."  His signature drink is introduced, too, although the description is a bit lacking: "medium dry vodka martini, not stirred."  This film also introduces audiences to Bond's boss, M (Bernard Lee) and M's secretary, Miss Moneypenny (Lois Maxwell), both of whom would appear in most of the Bond movies over the next twenty years.  Felix Leiter would also become a fixture in the Bond series, although the actors changed from film to film.  Since Dr. No introduces the James Bond Theme, of course the classic "shoot the camera" opening accompanied it.  We are also introduced to the ridiculousness of Bond villain in this film.  The cliche of placing the hero in a slow, easily escapable death trap starts here, with Honey being chained to a rock, waiting for high tide to drown her. Honey Ryder is the first Bond girl, and this is the first time that having a Bond girl in no way keeps James from rutting around with other women.  Perhaps the most important first, though, is Bond's first witty quip after a bad guy dies; when his awesome driving causes the three blind assassins (that's just silly) to drive their hearse (and that's ridiculous) off a cliff, a bystander asks where they were in such a hurry to get to.  Bond answers "They were on their way to a funeral."  And everyone nearby stopped what they were doing to pat Bond on the back and offer double high fives for his morbid and not at all inappropriate joke.  Someone in the background shouted "No you didn't!" and Bond just smiled and said "Oh, yes, I did."  And then he impregnates the nearest woman with only smirk and the suggestive use of his eyebrows.  Um...some of that sequence may just happen in my head whenever I watch this movie.

Just because a film is noteworthy doesn't necessarily mean that it is good, though.  As luck would have it, this one is.  The acting from the Jamaican cast ,while certainly not great, is over-the-top enough to make even the bad acting amusing.  Quarrel, in particular, is fun to watch, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that he did a good job.  Ursula Andress sets the status quo as the first Bond girl; you don't have to act much, as long as you look pretty.  Done and done.  Joseph Wiseman does a good job as the villainous Dr. No, even if his job is to remain impassive and detached.  The all-important role of James Bond was played wonderfully by Sean Connery.  This is the film that establishes that women-want-him-men-want-to-be-him super-cool persona, and Connery is the quintessential Bond.  His fight scenes were well choreographed (for the time), even if they were sped up on screen, he was charming, and he was smart.  What else do you want from a secret agent?  Director Terence Young knew what was important in this film --- conveying that Bond is cool --- and spent most of his time proving that point.  It paid off, even if the plot can be confusing to a first-time viewer and the supporting cast oftentimes just grins vacantly.  As far as action-adventure films go, Young gets the job done and done well.

That is not to say that the movie is flawless.  Many of Bond's secret agent tricks of the trade have been woefully outdated since before I was born and the absence of any crazy spy gadgets makes that all the more apparent.  The funny thing is that the character that replaces Bond's Beretta with a Walther PPK at the beginning of the film is actually the head of Q branch, and is the very same character that Desmond Llewelyn would play until 1999, AKA Mr. Gadget Guy.  And yet, no gadgets.  The subordinate villains in this film are definitely some of the dumbest Bond has ever encountered, trying a number of different methods to kill Bond, but using bullets only as a last-ditch effort.  The fact that Bond is captured, told the evil plot by Dr. No, and still allowed to live is pretty dumb, too.

Those aren't huge problems in a movie with such an entertaining lead character, though.  While this movie still has some rough edges around it (at least, as far as Bond movies go), the overall package is still impressive, even if it is somewhat dated.  Dr. No is missing a lot of the little things that are present in the rest of the Bond series, but it can definitely stand up on its own as an entertaining espionage romp.