|Go Go Power Rangers!|
Not so fast. Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle For Earth doesn't exactly fly out of the gate. Instead, it opts to show an Indiana Jones-esque character, Takuya, evading death and the hazards of Styrofoam bricks in an effort to take a relic from an old temple that absolutely does not resemble the set of a children's play. Takuya narrowly escapes death by packing materials, but he is immediately arrested by the police, who were apparently waiting for him outside. In jail, Takuya is faced with a choice; he can either sit and rot for fifteen years, or he can lead an expedition to investigate the effects of a recent mysterious asteroid. That might not seem like a tough choice --- and it isn't --- but Takuya is being forced to work with his ex-wife, Masako, and his pay will go towards his backlog of child support. Suck it, deadbeat! The expedition is specifically going to investigate a surprising find on Infant Island. When they arrive, the party survives several "comical" dangers in front of a green screen until they find the object. It is very large, very smooth, and very hard. What could it be? Well, there were some cave paintings that our resident Indiana Jones analogue expertly dates as "a couple of thousand years" old that depict some animals (a moth, perhaps?) doing weird stuff. For this next part, I want to point out that I am following the film's logic as closely as possible. When
|About damn time|
|I'm so glad the protector of the Earth still needs to metamorphose|
I am certainly not an expert on kaiju movies, but when I sit down to enjoy a Godzilla flick, at the very least, I expect to see Godzilla kicking Tokyo's ass. That is where Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle For Earth makes its first mistake. Sure, we get to see Godzilla fighting Mothra and Battra, but there isn't a whole lot of wanton destruction coming from ol' greenie. Instead, Battra is the one who ruins most of Tokyo.
|Godzilla fighting to keep his job|
This is the first time I have ever seen a Mothra vehicle, and I have to admit that I was disappointed. Is this his thing? He's a larvae for half the movie, and then cocoons himself and then grows wings that look like they were upholstered with shag carpeting from the 70s?
There are a lot of amusing things in Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle For Earth, even with Mothra busy being lame. I loved the stupid miniature people, the Cosmos. They synchronized their speech, randomly sang, and communicated with Mothra. Oh, and they promised to to do what they can to save humanity "this time." I love the implication there; the last time Battra erased a civilization from the planet, they either sat by idly, or they actively helped Battra.
|Bitches. Miniature bitches.|
Wait...what? What just happened? I did not see that ending coming.
I am not really sure how to rate this film. On the one hand, it is absolutely terrible. The acting, the direction of Takao Okawara, the action, the special effects, and the editing were all bad enough to qualify you for a medical prescription for whiskey, just to make your brain feel better. The human storyline took up way too much time, was terrible, and was heavy-handed in its condemnation of industrialization. On the other hand, this is a movie featuring men dressed up in rubber suits attacking poster board cities and model tanks. Still, I would have hoped for an improvement in special effects since the original Gojira. Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle For Earth is by no means good, but it is bad enough to entertain. I give it a legitimate score of
Lefty Gold score of