SyFy original movie? Check. Tiffany? Check. Added star power to push this thing over the top? Debbie Gibson. I mean, almost check. "Mega" in the title, to let you know shit has gotten serious? Double check. It's time for me to enjoy a bad movie (and possibly enjoy alcoholic beverages)!
Mega Python vs. Gatoroid begins the way you imagine a movie with this title would: with stupidity. Nikki Riley (Deborah Gibson) is a herpetologist (that's a PhD in reptile herpes to you non-bookish types) who breaks snakes out of confinement and releases them into the Everglades. Now, I
|...you are absolutely correct.|
|...But only if they're idiots|
So, how's the acting in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid? Practically non-existent. It doesn't help that the characters are completely irrational, but this is a movie about gigantic snakes and gators --- "acting" was never going to be the primary concern. I was surprised at how campy this movie was. Mega Piranha was stupid, sure, but the actors played it pretty straight. Not so much this time. If you were aching for Tiffany and Debbie Gobson to camp it up, call each other bitches and behave like Jersey Shore characters, then you might appreciate this film.
|So wait...are they insulting the lake here?|
|I'd look the other way if I had to share scenes with Tiffany, too|
What about the direction? Mega Python vs. Gatoroid was directed by Mary Lambert, who has directed multiple movies (not good ones, but still...) that have reached theaters. That experience doesn't come into play with this movie. Wretched acting, poor transitions, illogical character choices, horrible continuity editing, reptile-themed soundtrack contributions from the two stars --- in just about every way, this movie gets it wrong.
|Pythons and alligators hate to actually eat their prey, right?|
Since this is a horror movie, the special effects should be discussed. Do you like special effects? If "yes," then you might want to skip this. It's not just the obviously animated gators and snakes that look bad here --- Mega Python vs. Gatoroid goes out of its way to make the backgrounds in driving scenes look bad, like something you would see in a Connery Bond. And while I must stress that I am absolutely not an expert in reptile behavior, I find it suspicious that gigantic pythons and gators would leave easily identifiable chunks of their victims on dry land. Check this image out:
|Diagram by survival expert Bear Grylls|
Let's be realistic, though --- what do you expect from a movie titled Mega Python vs. Gatoroid? It delivers on the title, so quit yer bitchin', amiright? Okay, sure, I can follow that argument to a point. My problem with this flick is that it is too self-aware. Had they played it straight and not had characters asking the very legitimate question of "Why would you do that?" I probably would have had more fun with the movie. Here's the big problem with MPvG: you're funnier than the screenwriters.
|The possibilities for this caption > What is in the script|
Still not sure whether you would like Mega Python vs. Gatoroid? Give it a try if any three of the following are things you like to see in your movies:
- Everyone with a Southern accent is clearly mentally handicapped
- Recycled footage
- Dynamite-proof bridges
- Characters figuring out ridiculous plot points
using logicby reading the script
- Poorly explained jumps in time
- Park rangers that make the park their obvious last priority
- Curious animal behavior, like snakes hunting in packs
- Hilaribad car chase scenes
- ...and much, much more!